


Torn

by AmandaHawthorn



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-16 13:18:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11829534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaHawthorn/pseuds/AmandaHawthorn
Summary: A woman was judged on her abilities rather than her looks nowadays, and she’d been fine with that aspect of the apocalypse...but when the new blonde managed to turn Daryl’s head, those old feelings of inadequacy found their way inside her mind, and they just wouldn’t let her go.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Walking Dead doesn't beling to me unfortunately. If it did, Caryl would have been established a long time ago
> 
> Huge thanks to Kelly and Coreen for reading through this for me

There was something about the way the new Oceanside woman seemed to hone in on Daryl that made Carol apprehensive. She had never once doubted the bond she shared with him, and since Negan’s defeat, she had agreed to stay for a while, not just to help the others regroup, but because Daryl had asked her to stay. Since their reunion a few months ago, their relationship had changed. She had always felt something for him but she’d never been able to pinpoint it down to just one thing. Yes, she loved him; there was no denying that...but there were so many different kinds of love. Daryl wasn’t the kind of man who declared his feelings easily; if he ever declared them at all...but he showed her in the only ways he knew how, and that had always been enough for her.

 

The two of them had made some progress in reestablishing their relationship. They had begun to bridge the divide that had grown between them since their arrival in Alexandria, but they were taking one day at a time to rediscover their affection for each other. She missed the easy relationship they’d had at the prison. Back then she was so close to him. She’d teased him, loving how she was the only one he allowed to do it, but she had been so innocent in her own way. She hadn’t had to kill the living to survive, and her conscience had been clear...however like everything in this new world, nothing good ever lasted for long. But despite all the blood, all the killing and carnage, Carol had hoped that maybe they would be ready take a step further and break through each other’s insecurities...that they could explore the feelings that had bound them together for so many years… but that was before Tonia Martin arrived, seeking a new life at Alexandria.

 

The woman was in her late twenties, petite, blonde and beautiful. Carol hadn’t felt so insecure about herself since before Ed had died, and she thought that those defeatist feelings had gone forever, dead and buried with the man who had put them there in the first place...but the arrival of the younger woman, and her interest in Daryl especially, rocked her to her very core.

 

Since busting them all out of Terminus, Carol had kept her distance as she watched silently, always feeling more like an outsider than a key member of this community. Every single day since, she felt her age; her aching muscles reminding her that she wasn’t a young woman any more… Usually she would shrug those thoughts off, knowing that beauty was a thing of the past since the turn. A woman was judged on her abilities rather than her looks nowadays, and she’d been fine with that aspect of the apocalypse...but when the new blonde managed to turn Daryl’s head, those old feelings of inadequacy found their way inside her mind, and they just wouldn’t let her go.

 

She had seen the way his eyes followed the younger woman, and in all the years she had known him, she couldn’t remember a time when he’d shown even the slightest interest in another woman. Maybe she was just feeling a little vulnerable and sorry for herself lately, but she had truly thought her place was secure in Daryl’s life. Was it possible to be so wrong about something that she had been so sure of? In the last week since Tonia’s arrival, she hadn’t managed to get to talk to him on his own. There was always something going on or an important job to do...and maybe she was reading too much into it, allowing her own pity party to overwhelm her when there was really nothing to be worried about at all.

 

Carol gave herself a mental shake. She had no claim to Daryl...not really. As his friend she should be happy for him. She should be supporting the fact that he was lifting his head to see all of those around him, but she couldn’t, not if it meant she would lose everything she’d fought so hard to keep hold of...but then again, things often changed and maybe she was always meant to be alone. She’d resigned herself to living a desolate life so many years ago. Marriage to Ed was a solitary affair, one that made her feel unlovable and not worth anyone’s time or effort. It was ingrained inside her, a brandished burn that left its own scar over any kind of self confidence she’d had. That was until she’d met a shy, withdrawn redneck who hid himself behind a gruff attitude and pretended not to care.

 

Sighing heavily, Carol tried to distract herself by tending to the vegetable patch that she’d planted months before she’d left. The tomatoes were flourishing, some of them turning from green to red, and she couldn’t help but feel some kind of small achievement that at least one aspect of her existence was flourishing. She was so engrossed in her task that she didn’t hear the soft footsteps approaching until it was far too late.

 

“You’re Carol,” a soft voice spoke behind her, causing her to spin around to stare into the blue eyes of the woman who had stirred up her inner turmoil. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

 

“Uh...no, it’s okay.” Carol muttered, plastering a fake smile onto her face. “What can I do for you?”

 

“Oh, I was talking to Rick about finding a job for me and he sent me to you,” she smiled. “He thought I could maybe help you with food preparation since I’m going to stay here now.”

 

_Rick_...Carol silently cursed his name. Was the man completely clueless when it came to her? She was beginning to wonder if he had ever really known her at all. Her heart sank a little inside her chest when she realised what this all meant.

 

“You’re staying?” Carol asked softly, hoping her voice didn’t betray the loss she could already feel encompassing her. “That’s great. We can always use the extra help around here.”

 

“That’s what Daryl said too,” Tonia grinned happily, completely missing the light dim in the older woman’s eyes. “I really think this place is going to work out for me, you know.”

 

“Uh...yeah, that’s good…” Carol stuttered as she forced the ball of emotion to the back of her throat, to smile pleasantly. “Well, I don’t really do much in the way of preparing meals anymore. I do cook on occasion though...but if you go and see Tara, she’s in more of a position to tell you where you’ll be most needed.”

 

Tonia followed her gaze and looked towards the house Carol shared with the rest of her family. Nodding quickly, Tonia turned back towards the older woman and smiled brightly and Carol couldn’t help but like her. It wasn’t her fault that she was going through the issues she’d created herself.

 

“Thanks, Daryl told me you were a great cook when I had dinner with him and Tara yesterday. He said you make the best cookies,” Tonia grinned as she stepped away, but she stopped and turned back around.

 

“Is there something else?” Carol asked, willing the younger woman to walk away. She wasn’t ready to hear about dinner dates or anything else related to Daryl’s obvious interest in the younger woman.

 

“You’re the one who killed Negan.”

 

The statement threw her for a moment, and Carol wondered why Tonia felt the need to mention it. It wasn’t just her that took him down; she wasn’t some kind of one woman army like some people had made her out to be.

 

“Well it was more of a joint effort,” Carol quipped, a smile lifting her lips as she spoke. “We all played a part in bringing that psychopath down.”

 

“But it was your shot that killed him?”

 

_She could feel her heart thumping in her ears as she tried to control her trembling hands. From her standpoint behind an overturned car, she could see him, Negan...brandishing that damn bat. When he moved to the side, pacing between the three prisoners he goaded, her eyes focussed on their faces, and it was all she could do to not scream out to the men he had kneeling before him. Daryl, stared up at the man defiantly, curling his lip in a snarl as he practically dared him to swing the bat. Rick knelt by his side, his eyes wide and staring, shock registering on his face. The third person she couldn’t see until Negan turned again, and she gasped in a breath when she saw who was kneeling beside Rick...Carl... She knew she couldn’t wait any longer, it was now or never. The man she loved...the family she loved, they were there, facing death in the face and she needed to act. Pulling herself a little higher, she lifted her rifle and aimed, pointing it towards her target as she held her breath. She squeezed the trigger as a calmness came over her, unblinking when the crack echoed around her in the air, as the bullet shot from the gun. The next few seconds passed in a blur as the back of Negan’s head exploded and the bat tumbled to the ground with a loud thump...his lifeless body following seconds later_ …

 

“I had a lot of help,” Carol nodded, swallowing at the lump in her throat when she thought of how close she had come to losing her family again. “Go and see Tara...she’ll help you.”

 

The young woman grinned brightly, her cheeks blushing slightly as she turned away, and Carol found herself watching her as she left. Maybe she was letting her insecurities get the better of her, but there were still so many issues she hadn’t dealt with yet. So much hurt and pain had been left to fester, and maybe it was time to deal with it before she made up her mind whether to stay or go back to her solitary life.

 

As she lifted the tomatoes on the vine, her mind flashed back to the time when Rick had cast her out. He’d tossed her aside and accused her of being a danger to his children...her...the woman who had kept Judith safe and was forced to kill another child to keep her that way. Part of her couldn’t let go of the anger towards him...yes, she smiled and took care of her family, but those feelings of hurt still lingered deep down inside her. Maybe she should just walk away again. Maybe it would be for the best now that Negan and the saviours were gone. She could go back to that old house and make a life for herself. The seeds she’d planted before she’d left should have sprouted by now. She could grow her own food and be self sufficient there, and she could live her life in solitude without having to feel anything.

 

Lifting her head towards Daryl’s bike, she could already feel her eyes stinging with tears. Could she leave him again? He’d been so attentive towards her since her return, and she felt more drawn to him now than she had in a very long time...but he still kept her at arm's length, and she could have lived with that, she really could, but seeing his reaction to the new woman who bore a slight resemblance to Beth, she couldn’t shake the despair away. From his response to Beth’s death, she knew there was something that went far deeper than he’d admitted, and part of her was afraid to push him on it for fear of hearing something she wasn’t ready to hear. This was her karma, she knew it. She had taken refuge in another man who didn’t mean anything to her, and she was now paying the price for that mistake. She’d hurt so many people without ever meaning to.

 

So she needed to make a choice...stay or go...and no matter how many pros and cons she weighed up in her mind, every single one led to even more heartache. She didn’t know what to do anymore. Taking in a shaky breath, she swiped at her eyes and was suddenly thankful that no one else had come to find her yet. She needed this solitude to sort through the mess in her head, and she couldn’t do that with everyone talking around her.

 

Getting to her feet, she rolled her shoulders against the ache that had settled around her body. In the two months since the end of the war, she still had bruises and jagged wounds that hadn’t properly healed. Lifting her shirt she glanced down at the crude home made poultice on her stomach, poking gingerly at the dressing covering the still weeping wound. She’d managed to hide it from everyone so far, determined not to use any more of Alexandria’s resources since she’d returned. After all, she still wasn’t sure she was staying around.

 

She knew she needed antibiotics, but since the war they were in even less supply, so she’d chosen the natural remedy she’d used in the past when Ed’s brutality had left her covered in jagged cuts. She was almost out of the honey she’d been smearing over the wound though, so she had already found some marigold plants growing nearby that would be an ideal replacement when the honey ran out. So far the stitches she’d performed on herself to help the wound heal were holding. Her entire body was a patchwork of scars that told their own story of the life she’d led up to this point...and maybe it was time for her to rest...she’d earned it hadn’t she?

 

The sudden revving of Daryl’s bike brought her attention back towards him, and she wondered if he was happy with how things were between them. She loved him more than she had ever loved any other man, but if that love was unrequited, then she had to leave, for the sake of her own sanity. She took a step forward, his gravitational pull tugging at her senses, but when Tonia came out of the house with a plate of food in her hand, only to sit beside Daryl on the wooden steps with their knees practically touching, Carol’s breath caught in her throat. He had never let anyone other than his family get close to him in the past. She had only succeeded to break through his barriers with a lot of love and patience, so to see him now...it hurt. They seemed to relate to one another so easily, and the way they smiled at each other...Carol could already feel the crack forming in her heart...it was time to go...she couldn’t stand by and watch the man she loved fall in love with someone else...she wouldn’t.

 

Turning away from the two of them, she shook her head and clamped her eyes shut for a brief moment as she tried to pull herself together. It was time she lived her own life now. Her family would be fine and become stronger. With or without her, she knew they would all be okay. Chancing a look back, she saw the two of them laughing...Daryl was actually laughing...he bumped the younger woman’s shoulder playfully, and Carol couldn’t help but remember a time when she had shared that playful relationship with him. A twinge of jealousy sparked inside her when she realised she had effectively been replaced by a younger, beautiful version of herself. She wasn’t young and she certainly wasn’t beautiful...she never had been...turning away from them again she began to walk away, one foot in front of the other, not knowing where she was going. She knew she needed to go away, she needed to find her footing before she went back to the house to gather her meagre possessions.

 

000

 

She had spent most of the afternoon hiding out in Tobin’s old house. Since his death, the house had been cleared of his possessions, and all that remained were the larger pieces of furniture that no one had any use for. It was quiet, and it was the solitude that had brought her here. There was no Tonia, no Daryl, Rick or the others...no noise, yet the silence was deafening. Her mind wouldn’t let her rest, instead it conjured up images of people she’d lost, splattering blood over memories she’d tried to bury. There was no silence, no rest or relief from any of it, and the longer she stayed in this house with its own ghosts, the more her head ached. Moving towards the door, she swung it open and walked out onto the porch, sucking in a lungful of air before she stepped off the wooden steps and made her way towards Alexandria’s graveyard.

 

The rain came from nowhere, hammering down in heavy droplets that soaked Carol through to her skin. She had been sitting beside Sam’s grave when the storm hit, but she hadn’t moved at first. It was only when the sky lit up around her, bringing a loud rumble along with it, that she got to her feet and held her face up into the rain. Another loud crack filled the air, bringing a bolt of lightning with it, and it was only then that she started to move. She was in between the house she shared with her family and Tobin’s empty house and for a moment she stood still, trying to decide which way to go.

 

“ _Carol!_ ”

 

A hand wrapped around her arm, shaking her out of her reverie and she turned to see Daryl beside her, panting heavily as he tugged her with him towards their house. Her feet moved on their own accord, defying every ounce of resolve she had left. When he dropped his hand to grab hold of hers, the warmth from his fingers sent a jolt of heat throughout her arm, sparking her to life with that one simple touch. She ran with him up the wooden steps and allowed him to manoeuvre her through the door, both of them soaked through to the skin. Rick looked up at them when they stood in the hall, dripping puddles of rainwater around their feet, but before he could ask them if they were okay, Carol dropped Daryl’s hand and made her way up the stairs, refusing to allow her head to listen to what her heart was begging her to hear. He’d moved on, that was all there was to it, and now she had to move on too.

 

Rick met Daryl’s eyes, worry seeping through both of them before Daryl shifted his sopping jacket off his shoulders and hung it over the bannister. His gaze settled on the cream coloured carpet, wishing that he could reverse whatever he had done to make Carol pull away from him again.

 

“She okay?” Rick asked worriedly when Daryl moved up the stairs.

 

“No,” Daryl shook his head. “She ain’t.”

 

The former police officer nodded silently, concern furrowing his brow. He watched his brother take the stairs two at a time before he turned away, and made his way back into the living room where Michonne and Carl were playing with Judith.

 

Daryl stopped outside Carol’s door and tapped softly on the wooden barrier almost hesitantly. “Carol?”

 

For a moment he was met with silence and he wondered if she was in the bathroom. He moved to knock again when he heard her voice, soft and hesitant from the other side of the door.

 

“Carol...I’mma gonna come in, okay,” his voice was soft as he spoke, and when he didn’t hear her tell him to go, he turned the handle and pushed the door open to step inside the darkened room. Carol was seated beside the large window, looking at the raindrops as they pattered against the glass. The sky had turned a dark grey and had made the whole room dull, but his eyes were only drawn to her...so still and unmoving, her silence unnerving him.

 

Moving into the room, he pushed the door closed behind him, waiting for the latch to click into place before he made his way towards her. His anxiety increased with her silence, and the need to touch her spurred him closer as he reached out to lay a hand over her shoulder. The clothes she wore stuck to her skin, wet and see through as wet droplets dripped off the ends of her hair.

 

“You’re freezing,” he told her gruffly as he looked around her room for a something, anything to warm her. Spotting a folded towel on the chair in the corner of the room, he withdrew his hand and turned around, striding across the room to fetch it. Opening it wide, he looked back at her again, her stillness unsettling.

 

“Did ya get caught out same as I did?” he asked her as he moved back towards her again. “Came outta nowhere.”

 

Moving behind her he dabbed the towel over her hair, watching for any signs that she didn’t want him this close to her. He didn’t understand what had happened. They had become so much closer since the war ended, and she had started to open up about the girls and the deaths that had caused her to leave her family behind. Everything was fine, or so he’d thought, but in the last week she had began to pull away from him again and he didn’t understand any of this, not one bit. Moving the towel from her hair, he laid it over her shoulders, pressing the soft fabric against her wet body.

 

“I didn’t know ya was out there,” he told her as he smoothed his hands over the damp towel. “Where were ya?”

 

Carol closed her eyes and sucked in a breath as she willed her body to stop responding to him. She was so confused, her warring emotions were creating havoc inside her but she refused to believe that anything other concern for her had brought him here. Swallowing against the lump in her throat she lifted her head and reached up to grasp the towel tighter around her shoulders.

 

“I was with Sam,” she all but whispered as she focussed on the water droplets running down the glass outside.

 

_Sam_...Daryl drew in a shaky breath and squeezed her shoulder while he fought to find something to say. He knew she felt responsible for that boy, and no matter how many times he’d tried to convince her that what happened was out of her control, she couldn’t seem to accept it.

 

“Carol…” he started, but his voice died on his lips when she shook her head.

 

“I met the new girl today,” she told him, her voice low as she spoke. “She seems nice.”

 

“Yeah,” he nodded, unsure why they were talking about someone they barely knew. “She’s alright.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Carol, what’s all this about?” he asked, his voice rising a little as he was becoming more confused by the minute. “Ya need to talk to me.”

 

“I tried,” she groaned, lowering her head into her hands as she sighed in frustration. Lifting her head again, she palmed the beginning of tears from her eyes before she sucked in a breath. “I don’t think I can do this.”

 

Panic spread through Daryl’s body as he stepped closer, reaching out to lay his hand over her shoulder. “Carol?”

 

“You always want me to talk but you won’t do the same for me,” she all but whispered, closing her eyes as she spoke “...She looks like Beth.”

 

“Huh?” he asked in confusion as he swiped a dripping strand of his hair away from his eyes. “What?”

 

“Tonia,” she uttered the name, the word feeling like sandpaper on her tongue. “She looks a lot like Beth.”

 

Daryl’s mouth opened but he couldn’t seem to find any words. Yes Tonia bore some small resemblance to Beth, and that’s what had taken him by surprise when she’d first arrived, but it was her flourishing relationship with Tara that drew her to him. The two of them together teased him mirthlessly, but he’d learned early on to just let it happen. He swallowed heavily before he squeezed her shoulder, confusion marring his mind.

 

“Why won’t you tell me what happened between you and Beth?” she asked softly, her question throwing him off guard and he pulled his hand away from her shoulder, as if her skin had burned him. When he didn’t answer, she half turned on the windowsill, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “Daryl?”

 

“Whaddya mean, why?” he asked, his voice trembling with agitation. Why the hell was she bringing Beth up again after all this time? “ _Fuck_.”

 

“I need you to say it, Daryl,” she told him, her voice catching in her throat. “I need to know...when you said we got to start over and I asked you if you did, you didn’t answer me.”

 

Daryl sighed in exasperation and ran his hands over his hair before he held his arms out to his side. “The _fuck_ does it matter now?”

 

“I…”

 

“Why're ya bringin' _this_ shit up now? She ain’t here,” he growled. “But _I_ am... _I’m_ here tryin’...and _you_ went off and started over with Tobin didn’t ya?”

 

“ _No_ ,” she gasped. “No I didn’t...I never…”

 

“Ya left us all behind didn’t ya?” he seethed, his anger at the last year spilling from his mouth. “Ya walked away and left...ya just left like _I_ was nothin’... like everythin’ we went through means _shit_ to you…”

 

The look of devastation in her eyes caused his mouth to slam shut. Tobin was still a sore point where he was concerned. That asshole had moved in on her when she was at her lowest. He still blamed him for her taking off. Reaching out for her again he sighed.

 

“M sorry…”

 

“No, you’re right. I deserve it all. It’s my fault...I left and I have no right to come back here and ask you anything,” shaking her head, she tried to ignore the ache in her shoulders that had seemed to gravitate further down her spine.

 

“ _There_ ya go again, takin’ the blame for something when it ain’t on you,” he growled. “Ya asked about Beth and yer gonna listen. She wouldn’t let me give up on y’all. Cuz a her I started believin’ we were gonna regroup. I started believin’ I was gonna find everyone, and that was all on her. All of it...but there weren’t anythin’ else if that’s what yer implyin’...Ya wanna hear that she died cuz I couldn’t keep her safe, is that it? That I failed her the same way I did Sophia?”

 

The sound of her daughter’s name caused her to gasp in a breath. The tears that had been pooling in her eyes, suddenly broke free to roll down her cheeks causing her to turn away from him again.

 

“You didn’t fail Sophia...it was me... _I_ failed her, not you,” she whispered bitterly as she tried to quash the memories of the barn and her daughter’s disfigured face.

 

“Ya didn’t fail her,” Daryl gasped out, cursing himself for allowing his temper to get the better of him. “Ya didn’t.”

 

“I failed all of them, every single one…” she shook her head as she swiped angrily at her face. “They’re all dead because of me... _me_ Daryl...my girls, T Dog, _Sam_ …”

 

“Sam dyin’ ain’t on you. T ain’t dead cuz a you neither, woman, so stop blamin’ yerself for it.”

 

“Yes he is,” she blurted out, turning on him with haunted eyes. “He made me leave him. He sacrificed himself to save _me_...how can I not be responsible?”

 

“That was his choice, Carol,” he told her, grasping for her hand but she pulled away. “It ain’t all on you.”

 

“I shouldn’t be here,” her voice broke as she suddenly got to her feet, her eyes flitting around the room. “I need to go…”

 

“Carol…”

 

“No...it’s _me_...I’m poison, you need to get away from me,” throwing the towel from her shoulders she pushed passed him and moved towards the closet, yanking the door open as she pulled her rucksack from the shelf, her hand hitting the empty hangers that clattered to the floor.

 

“Carol…”

 

“You’re right to not want me...she’s better, she’s so much better than me... ” she sobbed as she yanked the bag open and moved to the dresser, pulling open a drawer. Grabbing the few items of clothing she rammed them into the bag before looking around the room again.

 

“Carol, _STOP_ ,” he growled, grabbing hold of her shoulders to keep her still. “Just stop.”

 

“I need to...go...” she stuttered, her heart thumping in her ears. The back of her throat had been sore for days and the headache from hell pulsed back to life, knocking the breath from her lungs as she suddenly felt her legs giving way, “Daryl…I...”

 

Daryl caught her in his arms as she fell, panic coursing through him when her head lulled backwards. He couldn’t remember screaming her name, he couldn’t remember much of anything, but when the bedroom door burst open and Rick, followed by Michonne stumbled into the room, Daryl was on the floor with her lifeless body in his arms, sobbing out her name.

 

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

Daryl clutched Carol’s unconscious form against him, sobbing out her name as he patted her cheek. Sliding his hand over her face, he begged her to open her eyes. His palm cupped her shoulder, pushing down against it as he shook her, but she remained limp in his arms. Tears coursed over his cheeks as he looked desperately up at Rick, terrified and not knowing what he was supposed to do. After everything he’d learned in this whole fucked up world, he froze up, his senses blurring with nothing but chaotic fear.

 

“ _Carol?_ ” Rick gasped her name and sank down to his knees beside his brother, his worried gaze flitting between Daryl and Carol’s prone body. “What happened?”

 

Daryl shook his head, fear coursing through him when the heat from her body soaked into his. Beads of sweat littered her forehead and her complexion had slipped from slightly pale to ashen within seconds, causing Daryl’s anxiety to heighten even more. Lifting a hand back up to her cheek, he drew in a breath when his palm caressed her heated skin, and he cast his terrified gaze onto the man beside him.

 

“She’s burning up,” Daryl hissed, his voice breaking as he looked towards his brother helplessly. “She was upset...and we were... _I_ was yellin’ at her...s’my fault…”

 

“Daryl, you need to calm down, brother,” Rick told him as he laid the palm of his hand over Carol’s forehead. Her face was pale but her cheeks were flushed red and slow panic started to burn its way through him. Swivelling himself around, he looked at Michonne, gasping out Rosita’s name before she nodded quickly and backed out of the room.

 

“She ain’t been right,” Daryl’s told him, his voice disjointed as his gaze fixated on her face, willing her to open her eyes. “I knew and I just…”

 

“Hey, don’t think about that now, we need to get her onto the bed,” getting to his feet, Rick moved to help Daryl lift her, but he shook him off with a dismissive grunt.

 

“I’ve got ‘er.”

 

“Okay,” Rick nodded, hovering close as Daryl stumbled to his feet, holding Carol against him like she was his own precious cargo. Watching her head loll against Daryl’s chest caused more fear to rise inside the former sheriff. He couldn’t remember seeing Carol like this, not even at the quarry. She had been a force of nature and promoted a wall of strength to anyone who tried to hurt them. He’d seen his two friends growing closer over the years, but it was only now, seeing his brother so distraught that he realised just how deeply their feelings ran. Moving to the bed, he waited until Daryl had laid her onto the mattress and watched silently when he knelt by the side of the bed, his eyes never leaving her face.

 

The door burst open wider as Rosita came into the room, rushing towards the bed as she tried to manoeuvre Daryl out of the way. Her eyes dropped to the woman on the bed and then back to the distraught hunter, her voice rising when he didn’t acknowledge her presence. “What happened?”

 

“She collapsed...she’s got a fever,” Rick told her when Daryl didn’t respond, eyeing his brother worriedly when he wouldn’t let go of Carol’s hand.

 

Nodding her head, Rosita reached out to Carol’s eyelids, lifting them in turn before drawing in a sharp breath. With meticulous exploration, she ran her eyes over Carol’s body and lifted the edge of her tank top when she noticed that there was something bulky beneath the fabric. Pulling the material a little higher she hissed out a string of expletives before she yelled for Rick to get a car ready to take Carol to the Kingdom. She cursed whoever thought it was a good idea to have the main hospital for all three communities there, so far away.

 

Daryl’s head shot up and followed the line of Rosita’s hands, cursing under his breath. Hot tears sprung to his eyes when he saw the angry wound that revealed itself when Rosita peeled the poultice away. Sucking in a breath, he tore his eyes away from the jagged cut. He tried not to look at the pink inflamed skin that had puckered around the weeping wound, choosing instead to reach out to Carol’s face, stroking her skin with his fingers in a desperate bid to keep his connection to her.

 

“Oh _shit_ , this is bad,” Rosita hissed when she pressed the edges of the wound to see how infected it was before she reached down to Carol’s wrist to check her pulse. Shaking her head, she looked at the man who hadn’t taken his eyes off of the woman on the bed and shook his shoulder, “Daryl, we need to get her to the kingdom.”

 

“What?” he hissed out, suddenly panic stricken as he got to his feet but kept hold of Carol’s hand. “Can’t you help her here? Tell me what she needs and I’ll find it...Anything...”

 

“If you love her you need to do what I tell you,” she snapped as she pulled Carol’s top up a little higher to see how far the pinkish inflammation had spread. “I’m not qualified to treat this. She needs a real doctor...she needs fluids and antibiotics. We don’t have anything strong enough here. So what I need from you is to carry her to the car,” grabbing the edge of the comforter on the bed, she watched as Daryl released the hand he’d been holding and carefully scooped Carol up into his arms. His eyes were fixed on her pale face, only lifting his gaze when Rosita placed the comforter over the woman in his arms. Rick was back, gasping for breath as he stood in the doorway, his eyes filling with tears when he saw the scene before him.

 

“The car’s ready, brother. You stay with her and I’ll drive,” Rick’s voice echoed as he backed out of the room, heading towards the stairs as Daryl followed.

 

“When you get to the kingdom, tell the doc Carol has an infected laceration on her stomach and other wounds that haven’t healed right. She has all the signs of early septicemia, but I don’t know how advanced it is,” Rosita reeled off as she followed behind Daryl. “She’s been trying to treat it herself but the stitches are infected. Her temperature is elevated and her pulse is erratic.”

 

“Okay…”

 

“Get her there as fast as you can.” Rosita told him. “Don’t stop for anything, not even if there’s a herd.”

 

Daryl didn’t answer, all of his focus was on the woman he held in his arms as he carefully carried her down the stairs. His heart was thumping so loudly; the thrum pounding in his ears. She was so light, barely weighing anything at all...she shouldn’t have hidden her wounds from him...if only she’d told him...but those thoughts were quashed the moment they broke free. She had tried to tell him. He’d known she was struggling before and after the war, but she had become a fearless warrior; a woman who had saved their lives over and over...his best friend...his confidante...and he loved her so damn much, it hurt.

 

When he carried her towards the car, Tonia and Tara were hovering beside the vehicle. Members of their family had gathered around, gasping through tears and sobs when they saw how Carol’s body laid limp in Daryl’s arms.

 

“Let me come with you,” Tonia cried, surging towards Daryl’s side. “I worked with the medic back home. I might be able to help.”

 

“Get in,” Rick nodded as he helped manoeuvre Carol into the back of the car so that Daryl could climb in beside her. Tonia turned to the woman who clutched tightly onto her hand before she untangled their fingers and reached out to hug her fiercely. Pulling back, she surged towards Tara, kissing her soundly before she released her and rushed to the passenger side and slid into the seat, slamming the door behind her. Rick started the car, his eyes darting to Michonne before he drove the car towards the opening gate, speeding through with the precious cargo he carried.

 

000

 

Rick sped through the roads that had been cleared months after the war had ended. The communities had come together to make direct routes between all of them, paving the way for emergencies such as this. Ezekiel had two doctors so it had been decided that the Kingdom would be the main hospital, but now that he was faced with an emergency of his own, Rick was beginning to curse his agreement with this arrangement. If the hilltop still had the facilities to treat serious cases then they would have been there by now, and the more Carol’s condition deteriorated, the more he blamed himself for it.

 

Over an hour later, Tonia turned in her seat, looking over the woman in the back of the car, “How’s she doing?”

 

Daryl didn’t answer her, his eyes were on the woman in his arms as he stroked his fingers through her hair. Her skin was clammy and her breathing was becoming erratic, but he tried not to allow his fears to overcome him. Instead he leant closer, lowering his head until he was close to Carol’s ear, whispering her name, over and over until tears replaced his words as he quietly sobbed against her.

 

“We’re almost there brother,” Rick promised, his eyes glancing in the rear view mirror as he pushed his foot down onto the accelerator, willing the car to go even faster. “Hold onto her.”

 

Tonia tore her eyes away from the couple behind her and focussed on the road ahead. The rain had stopped a few minutes ago, but the storm had attracted a few walkers, stragglers that had broken away from larger herds.

 

When the kingdom came into view, Rick gestured towards the flashlight on the floor beside Tonia’s feet.

 

“Turn it on,” Rick told her hurriedly, “point it forward and turn it off and on three times.”

Tonia looked at him questioningly as she picked the heavy flashlight up and turned it on, pointing it into the darkness. Following Rick’s instructions, she turned it on and off, then pointed triumphantly when the signal came back.

 

The gates opened, and Rick drove into the compound only to slam on the brakes, skidding the vehicle to a stop. He was out of the car and running around the side even when Jerry came running towards them

 

“It’s _Carol_ ,” Rick yelled when he pulled the door open to help Daryl lift Carol out of the car. “She needs the doctor.”

 

Jerry’s cry echoed throughout the air as he barked orders to the other people on duty to inform the doctors and to wake the king from his bed.

 

000

 

The infirmary was a hive of activity when they arrived. Two women pulled sheets off of the bed and raced around to prepare surgical instruments while one of the doctors scrubbed his hands. Daryl clutched Carol against his chest as her head bobbed against his shoulder. Her arm had dropped to hand limply at her side, swinging with the movements of his body as he practically ran with her towards the hospital bed.

 

Once he was close to the bed, he was suddenly surrounded by a flurry of people who snatched her from his arms, and he found himself being pushed away from her. Panic surged through him and he tried to return to her side, but the more he tried the angrier he became.

 

“Get the _fuck_ offa me,” he growled, shoving one of the kingdom’s guards off his arm as he tried to get to Carol’s side.

 

“Get him out of here,” the doctor yelled at anyone who was listening as he hissed out orders to the other nursing staff in the room. Tonia pushed her way into the room, squeezing his arm before she rushed to wash her hands, her voice echoing around the room as she offered to help.

 

Daryl froze when he caught a glimpse of the woman he loved, gasping in a breath when someone just cut her clothes away and tossed them to the side, exposing her skin to everyone. He knew she would hate being so exposed like this...she had scars just like he did, but he couldn’t let these people judge her like everyone judged him. His eyes filled with tears as he cried out her name, his sorrow giving way to anger as he pushed back, fighting whoever was trying to yank him away from her side.

 

“ _DARYL_ ,” it was Rick’s voice that broke through his anger; his words seeping through his sorrow addled mind. “ _Stop_...they’re trying to help her.”

 

Daryl yanked his arm away from Rick, his eyes swimming with so much turmoil that Rick stepped closer and held his hand up in surrender. As he moved close enough to touch him, Rick laid a hand on Daryl’s shoulder and watched his brother’s resolve crumble before his eyes.

 

“I can’t…” he gasped, his voice breaking as he swallowed heavily, unable to get the words out without breaking down completely.

 

Rick nodded and squeezed his arm as he maneuvered him towards one of the plastic benches and sat him down onto it. He didn’t know what to say to him to make him feel any better about this, so he chose to sit in silence, hoping that his presence was enough to stem the worry from the man beside him.

 

After what seemed like hours, Rick laid his hand on his brother’s back, worry creasing his brow. Daryl had his elbows rested on his knees and his head buried in his hands, frozen in the same position while they waited for word on the woman they both loved. Rick moved his hand up, squeezing Daryl’s shoulder before he pulled away and sat back to lean against the wall.

 

“Why’s it takin’ so long?” Daryl asked as he lifted his head to focus on the door that remained firmly closed. Shaking his head in frustration, he got to his feet, only to move across to the opposite wall to lean towards it with his elbows pressed against the smooth surface. Huffing out a breath he lowered his forehead onto his linked hands and tried not to succumb to the fear that he was going to lose the most important person in his life.

 

A rustle of movement caused him to lift his head as he looked across to see Ezekiel with two of his guards and Jerry, moving into the hall. His eyes met the king’s and he shook his head, knowing that Ezekiel cared about the woman inside the room. Dropping his arms, Daryl stood back from the wall and retook his place by his brother’s side, needing to feel some kind of reassurance that Carol was going to make it through this.

 

“Is there any news?” Ezekiel asked, his slow movements etched with sorrow when he moved a little closer towards them. “Please...is she…”

 

“She’s tough,” Rick told him, trying to keep his voice reassuring as he spoke. “She’s a survivor.”

 

The man beside him sucked in a sudden breath and turned towards him with blazing, tear filled eyes. The anger within his deep blue depths spiralled when he sprang to his feet, shoving Rick’s reaching hand away from him. His whole body was shaking, a mixture of devastation and unresolved anger coursing through him when he remembered the last time his brother had spoken those very same words. As if realising his mistake, Rick shook his head in apology and got to his feet, his own emotions spilling over onto his cheeks.

 

Taking a step back, Daryl turned away from him to move towards the far wall once more, leaning his forehead against the cool surface. He couldn’t take this, not again. He thought the pain of losing her the first two times couldn’t feel any worse, but then he’d lost her for a third time when she got rammed by that damn car...and then when he got her back it was as if she wasn’t the same person anymore. Something had changed her when Rick abandoned her on the side of the road, and the more he thought about it, the more his anger escalated. Turning back around, he glowered at his brother with a fierce glare, knowing that the man before him was feeling just as broken as he was right now...but he couldn’t stop.

 

“Yeah...that what ya said when ya threw her out like she was last week’s trash?” he seethed, his own tears falling unchecked over his cheeks. “Ya knew how much I...how we…”

 

“I know,” Rick’s voice faltered when he stepped closer, reaching out to clasp his brother’s shoulder. “And I’m so sorry. If I could take it all back and do over, I would...but I can’t…”

 

“Ya knew how it was with us,” Daryl growled, pulling away from Rick before he could reach for him again. “Ya knew...and ya waited ‘till I weren’t there so ya could _throw_ her ass out.”

 

“Brother…”

 

“Ya knew didn’t ya?” Old remanent fury burned a path inside him, causing him to pace back and forth. Nothing else registered outside of his emotional walls...anger, hurt and utter desolation fuelled his movements. He couldn’t focus, couldn’t seem to move out of the aching loss that had encompassed him that first time he’d lost the most precious person in his life.

 

“I...I was wrong…”

 

“ _Damn_ right ya was wrong,” Daryl growled, stopping his pacing to shove an accusing finger in his brother’s face. “She ain’t ever done anythin’ that weren’t for us, and you knew that. She was gettin’ strong and that’s why ya threw her out, ya didn’t want her ta challenge ya almighty leadership _did_ ya?” 

 

Ezekiel’s sudden intake of breath broke through Daryl’s rage and he pulled back from Rick to turn away from him, surging towards the wall. Drawing his arm back he ploughed his clenched fist into the hard surface, wincing when the pain instantly blossomed through his hand. Gasping in a sob, his eyes dropped down to his bruised fingers as tears filled his eyes once more. Shaking his head he pressed his back against the wall, uncaring that Ezekiel and Jerry were watching him unravelling before their eyes. Drawing in a shuddering breath, Daryl focused on his throbbing hand before he slid down the wall, dropping to the floor with a resigned thud before he drew his knees up to his chest and lowered his head to rest his forehead against them.

 

Rick sniffed and swiped at his eyes when he saw his brother so broken. Lifting a hand up to silence Ezekiel's questions, he moved closer to his brother and sank down onto the floor beside him.

 

“I can’t take back what I did,” he told him, his voice wavering as he spoke. “And you’re right, I did send her away when you weren’t there. I don’t know why...I…”

 

“Cuz ya knew damn well I woulda gone with ‘er,” Daryl told him, his voice muffled against his knees.

 

“Daryl…”

 

“If I lose ‘er…”

 

“You listen to me, Daryl,” Rick growled, reaching out to lay a hand on his shoulder as he looked towards the closed door. “That woman in there is strong. She came back to Alexandria for you brother. She loves you so much that she fought beside you...she took down Negan because he threatened us, but when he threatened you she didn’t hesitate...now I can’t take back what I did, but I _am_ sorry.”

 

Daryl lifted his head and swallowed at the ball of emotions that had stuck in his throat. He leant his head back against the wall and tried to control his breathing as he looked up at the ceiling. 

 

“She was upset and ramblin’ on about Beth...” Daryl closed his eyes against another onslaught of tears, but they spilled over anyway, stuttering his voice as he tried to speak. “Said she was leavin’ again...and then she just...fell..”

 

“She’s gonna be okay, brother,” Rick told him softly, feeling so helpless as he watched the man beside him fall apart. “We’re gonna take her home with us.”

 

The door to the infirmary suddenly swung open and Daryl was on his feet within seconds. His eyes blinked furiously as he swiped at the wetness on his face before he moved towards the doctor who turned to look at him with eyes brimming with apologies for taking so long.

 

“She... _no_ …” Daryl shook his head from side to side, suddenly feeling the world become so much smaller around him. Stepping forward, he reached out, needing to grab hold of something to steady himself, but when he saw the doctor move towards him, he stopped when he realised he was talking.

 

“Your wife is stable,” the doctor told him reassuringly, his voice slowly registering in Daryl’s sorrow addled mind. “She’s not out of the woods yet by any means, but she has a good chance.”

 

“I need to see ‘er,” Daryl told him, his voice shaking as he spoke. “I…”

 

“In a few minutes,” the doctor promised as he patted Daryl’s shoulder reassuringly. “We’re just making her comfortable and I’ll send someone to come and find you, okay?”

 

Daryl nodded numbly, his heart thundering in his chest. All he could do was watch on helplessly as the doctor turned away from him to make his way back into the room before he heard Rick’s voice beside him, coaxing him backwards to sit down on the bench. Neither of them mentioned the doctor’s comment about Carol being Daryl’s wife, and neither of them had corrected him either...and as they sat, both of them watching the closed door, neither of them saw the king’s disappointment when he realised that the intriguing woman he’d fallen so hard for, was already taken.

 

Jerry watched Ezekiel curiously as he took a step towards the two brothers and gestured towards the seat beside them.

 

“May I join you?”

 

Daryl nodded silently, his eyes never leaving the wooden barrier that kept him away from the woman he loved. He wasn’t going to lose her again, never again...and if it took forever to make her see that there was never anything more than friendship with Beth, then he would do whatever it took to make her believe him. He wasn’t leaving her side, ever again.

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

Daryl moved cautiously towards Carol’s bed, his hesitant steps the only sound in the small room. He could feel his heartbeat thrumming in his ear, leaving him trembling as he slowly sat down on the chair beside her bed. He tried not to focus on the IV that hung above her head, or the fact that she was still so desperately pale. He was almost glad that they didn’t have a machine to monitor her heart beating, because he would be constantly terrified of hearing that steady beep become a long, drawn out tone. His eyes scanned her face for any signs that she was awake, but when she remained motionless, barely breathing, he turned his worried gaze onto the doctor who had followed him into the room.

 

“She’s stable,” he reassured him, patting his shoulder in some small semblance of comfort. “She’s lucky you brought her when you did.”

 

“She gonna be okay?” Daryl asked, the desperation in his voice seeping through his words as he looked back to Carol’s unconscious form. “Why ain’t she woken up?”

 

“We’ve got her on some strong medication. She’ll be out for a while yet,” the doctor told him, his eyes watching the rough looking man who had been so distraught when he’d brought her in. “It’ll help her to hear your voice though...talk to her.”

 

Daryl nodded mutely, his gaze fixed on Carol’s pale face. All he wanted was for her wake up. He wanted to see her beautiful eyes and make her realise that there was never anything between him and Beth despite what she thought. It had always been her since the very beginning...and it wasn’t just because he’d felt so much empathy with her in those early days. He wasn’t sure exactly when his feelings of friendship had turned to fondness, or when that fondness had turned to love, but no matter how or when it happened, he knew that what he was feeling for her was so much more than love for a best friend. She was his first thought when he woke up every morning, and his last thought at night. He’d never been in love before, but he was pretty sure that this was it...she was it.

 

Shuffling his chair a little closer towards her bed, Daryl lifted his injured hand to slip his fingers into her hair. The soft strands entwined around his fingers and he found himself marvelling at how much he loved the feel of her. His gaze dropped down to her face once more, wishing she would open her eyes and smile at him, just like she’d always done when they’d slept next to each other out on the road. He missed her...he missed the woman who had risen from the ashes of her old life, and emerged into the strong, capable woman that she was now.

 

He rested his ear against her pillow and turned his face towards hers. Her soft breath fanned his face, and he relished every movement. She was alive, and that meant there was still hope that they could get through this whole nightmare, healthy, whole and together. Moving his free hand from his knees, he lifted it and wrapped his fingers around hers. The heat from her soothed his nerves and he inclined his head a little closer until his nose was practically touching hers.

 

“I’ve lost count how many times ya told me ya can’t lose me...I never understood before why ya thought I was worth all yer worryin’...never had anyone worried about me before…” his voice wavered when the same torrid sorrow tore through his body, ripping open the barely healed wounds of losing so many of their family. “I need ya to come back to me...cuz, I can’t lose you either...don’t make me do this without ya...I _can’t_ …”

 

Tears pooled in his eyes as he tried not to think of the moment her body collapsed before him. He was just as terrified of losing her now as he had been a few hours ago. He just needed her to come back to him so that they could start over, just like they’d talked about so long ago.

 

“We’ll go anywhere ya want,” he whispered as he nuzzled his nose against hers. “If ya want to leave home and go to that house a yours, then we’ll go. I don’t care if we have ta live in a cardboard box...as long as we’re together...so ya have ta come through this...don’t ya be thinkin’ a leaving me behind. Come back to me.”

 

A shuffling behind him caused him to lift his head away from the bed and sit up a little straighter in his chair. Sniffing back another onslaught of tears, he untangled his fingers from her hair and swiped at his eyes, but kept his other hand wrapped around hers. He didn’t care who had disturbed their solitude, or if they now looked upon him as this weak, wrecked individual. Nothing mattered to him except this woman before him, nothing.

 

“Rick told me about your hand,” Tonia’s voice was soft as she came to stand behind him. “You want me to take a look at it for you?”

 

Daryl shook his head silently, not wanting to leave Carol’s side. He glanced down at his swollen fingers and the split skin across his bruised knuckles. Part of him wanted to direct his fist into his brother’s face, punishment for an apology that had come several years too late. He hadn’t just betrayed Carol the day he left her out on her own, he’d betrayed him too. The trust he once had in the man who called him brother, had shattered that day, and it had taken a lot of work on Rick’s part to rebuild it again...but he would never forget, not for as long as he lived.

 

Tonia stood silently as her gaze drifted from Daryl to the woman in the bed. Carol was a legend in her own right, known for bringing down a man who took pleasure in torturing innocent people. She was part of the reason she wanted to go to Alexandria in the first place. She wanted to meet the woman who had become a fantasy in her mind, already developing a crush that had spurred her forward. Meeting Tara had been an unexpected bonus, one that helped her develop strong feelings for the dark haired woman. Tara in turn introduced her to Daryl and through him, she got to know more about the woman who was by no uncertain terms, a force to be reckoned with.

 

“I spoke to her,” Tonia told him, keeping her voice soft when her eyes scanned Carol’s prone body. “I wanted to meet her, and see who this woman was that you and Tara spoke about so much. The stories make her sound like she was some new world Boadicea...I guess...I was a little...awestruck…”

 

“Hmm…” Daryl muttered, his gaze still focussed on Carol’s face, but then suddenly something sparked in his brain and he tore his gaze away from the woman he loved to look at Tonia, a hint of anger in his eyes. “When?”

 

“When what?” she asked in confusion, shaking her head when she couldn’t escape the accusations in his eyes.

 

“When did ya see Carol?”

 

“Oh...this morning when I saw her tending the tomato plants. Rick told me to ask her where I could help now I’m staying in Alexandria...why?”

 

“What did ya say to her?” he asked, his words hissing through his lips as he stared at her coolly.

 

“Uh...I only spoke to her for a few minutes...that’s all,” she told him cautiously as she took a step away from him. “I told her I’d heard about her cooking and how you and Tara loved her cookies...and I told her I knew she killed Negan...that’s all…”

 

“So ya didn’t tell her that yer shacked up with Tara now? Did ya make her think you ‘n me…”

 

_“What?_ No...I swear… the last time I saw her was a little before I brought your food out to you. She was standing by the vegetable patch when I sat with you,” Tonia told him softly as she lifted her gaze back to Carol. “I thought she was going to come and talk to us, but when I looked up she was gone.”

 

Her words filled Daryl with dread. Had she seen them joking around? Had something so innocent started all of this? Shaking his head he lifted his other hand to encase her’s between both of his. He thought he was giving her space...he thought she was pulling away from him because she was adjusting to being back...and all this time she thought…

 

_“You’re right to not want me...she’s better, she’s so much better than me... ”_

 

Lowering his head onto their joined hands, he ignored the pain that bloomed around his wrist. He deserved the pain, he realised, he deserved it all for being so stupid. Because of him she was going to leave again...he couldn’t lose her...he just couldn’t.

 

Tonia watched him carefully before she stepped a little closer towards him again. He had been so good to her since she’d arrived in Alexandria. He reminded her of her cousin David, the way he used to be before Negan came and took him, and all of the other men away. Daryl allowed her to be herself, and she didn’t have to hide who she was with him. He didn’t care that she was gay, or that she didn’t have many skills for this new world...he just accepted her for who she was. She didn’t know that he and Carol were together, but seeing him now, so broken and completely terrified, it was so obvious to see.

 

“That poor woman has scars all over her body,” she murmured, more to herself than to him, but when he didn’t answer, she placed a tentative hand on his shoulder. “Do you know how she got them?”

 

“What?” he sniffed, not even trying to hide his sorrow from her when he lifted his head.

 

“Her wounds?” she asked again as she remembered the puckered skin and burn marks that littered Carol’s torso. “She’s covered in scars.”

 

No, he didn’t know the extent of them because Carol hid them so well...but he knew she had them. She had suffered at the hands of her abusive husband, just the same as he’d suffered by his daddy’s hands. He wasn’t sure he liked the fact that these people had seen her at her most vulnerable…and just like that his anger returned, burning through him as he turned to focus on the blonde woman beside him.

 

“ _Don’t_ ya be goin’ tellin’ her ya seen ‘em, ya hear me?” he growled, unprepared for the wave of fury that washed over him, causing Tonia to pull her hand away. “She don’ need ta know anyone but the doc has seen ‘em.”

 

“I…”

 

“Carol don’ need ya pokin’ _yer_ nose into her business neither,” he groused before he turned his head back to Carol’s closed eyes.

 

“I’m sorry,” swallowing hard, Tonia’s voice faltered. He was angry, so, so angry...and it seemed to be her he was mad at. Turning away, she walked towards the door, her own sadness aching through her as she chanced one more look behind her before walking away.

 

000

 

The first thing Carol became aware of was how incredibly hard it was to open her eyes. Exhaustion fell around her in a cumbersome blanket, covering her completely as it held her down. Taking a breath, she tried to open her eyes again, fighting through the heaviness of her closed lids until she managed to force them open. Blinking, she fought through the fogginess in her brain until she focussed on her surroundings. It was dark, except for a small light in the corner of the room, and for one terrifying moment she thought she was back in Atlanta, waking up from another of Ed’s punishing outbursts.

 

Noticing the IV bag above her, her eyes followed the thin tube that ran from the bag, dripping fluids back into her body. Panic flowed through her as she struggled to remember what her last memory was, but before she could try to pull herself upright, she felt a warm hand clutching hers.

 

Turning her head, she startled when she came face to face with a sleeping Daryl, his head incredibly close to hers. Sudden tears welled in her eyes when she allowed her gaze to wash over him. He looked exhausted, even in sleep. He was half sitting, half on the bed, stretched across her pillow. The urge to touch him was so strong; she had always felt so drawn to him. With his hand clamped around hers, she considered trying to turn onto her side in order to move closer, but when she tried, the pain burned through her like a red hot poker and she clamped her eyes closed, cursing her stupidity until the pain began to slowly subside.

 

Her sharp intake of breath brought Daryl awake, his eyes springing open as he sat up. He looked her over before he shuffled closer, squeezing her fingers as he looked for any signs that she was awake. His muscles protested when he drew himself up a little higher in his seat, but when she opened her eyes and turned her head towards him, every single thought he’d had, flittered away. His eyes filled with tears, relief spilling over his cheeks and he laughed and sobbed at the same time.

 

“H...Hey…” her voice was raspy, croaking through her chapped lips. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, and why she was hooked up to an IV drip, but seeing him so distraught dissolved all of her questions. So instead she moved her head across the pillow, shifting a little closer to his side.

 

Daryl threaded his fingers through her hair, stroking her soft strands. He’d never felt so elated and so terrified all in the same moment before. His nerves were frazzled. He had been on edge for so long that seeing her now, awake and smiling, it was as if the dam had burst. Every single emotion that had swelled over him since he’d held her hand in the pouring rain, poured out of him in a blessed release.

 

“You’re awake,” he half sobbed. His tears spilled, dropping over his cheeks. “Don’t...do _that_ ta me again...I can’t…”

 

“What happened?” she asked tiredly, blinking heavily as she struggled through the fog in her mind. “Did I sleep in?”

 

“What?” he chuckled softly, “No, ya didn’t sleep in. You’re sick.”

 

“Sick?” she asked in confusion as she tried to remember. “‘M tired…”

 

Daryl’s hand tightened around hers when she sounded so vulnerable, and he knew in that moment that he would do anything to keep this woman safe. He stroked a fingertip across the back of her hand and smiled down at her when her eyes began to drift closed again.

 

“Sleep sweetheart...I’ll be here when ya wake up,” he whispered, wishing he didn’t feel so totally helpless. He watched her silently as she slept, keeping his gaze on her closed eyes before he lowered his head back onto the bed. For however long she needed to be herself again, he would be here for her, always.

 

He must have drifted off because when he woke up, it was to the sound of soft voices. Instantly alert, Daryl sat up, blinking at the heaviness in his eyes when he saw the doctor standing beside Carol’s bed, checking her IV.

 

“You’ve been through quite an ordeal,” the doctor’s voice drifted around the room, his soft reassurance directed directly to the woman by his side. “Let your body take time to heal before you try moving next time.”

 

_Next time?_

 

“Carol?” Daryl asked, his eyes darting from her to the doctor who patted Carol’s arm.

 

“She tried to get up,” the doctor told him, shaking his head as he admonished his patient. “I’ve told her she’s not going anywhere until I’m happy the infection is under control and her temperature and iron levels are at an acceptable level.”

 

“Sorry Doc,” Daryl sighed, angry that he’d only meant to close his eyes for a moment. “I’ll keep an eyes on ‘er.”

 

Nodding, the older man offered the couple a tight smile before he moved towards the door, looking back once more before he moved out into the hall, closing the door behind him.

 

“Hey,” Daryl squeezed her fingers and waited for her to turn her head towards him. “You need to let yourself heal.”

 

“I…” she sighed, frustration seeping through her voice. “Where...are we?”

 

“We’re at the kingdom,” he told her as he smiled down at her with watery eyes. “You collapsed and we brought ya here...been out for hours...I was afraid...I…”

 

“I collapsed?” she asked, shaking her head in confusion. “I don’t…”

 

“It’s okay,” he told her, too overjoyed that she was finally more alert. “How’re ya feelin’?”

 

“I...don’t know…” she murmured, her eyes leaving his to flit around the room. “I’m at the kingdom?”

 

Daryl swallowed hard, the swell of emotion engulfing him when he tried not to dwell on how close he came to losing her. Squeezing her fingers, he lifted their joined hands to his lips and pressed a kiss over her knuckles, nodding against her hand.

 

“You brought me here?” she asked, trying not to feel so overwhelmed by him. He’d cared enough to bring her here...he’d stayed...he...

 

“Yeah, me, Rick and Tonia,” he told her as he nuzzled her hand, not even realising that saying Tonia’s name would cause such a reaction in her. The moment he heard her sharp intake of breath though, he knew instantly that he’d made a mistake and he tried desperately to fix it, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Hey…”

 

Swallowing hard, Carol turned her head away from him and closed her eyes. The sting of loss overwhelmed her all over again, bringing with it more pain than before. She couldn’t escape from it...not when the source of her turmoil had followed her here. She was so tired. Her body ached and she felt like a huge weight was keeping her tethered to the bed. She was trying to sort through every single memory, but the fog in her mind kept mocking her, conjuring up images of the man she loved with the pretty young blonde who had taken him away.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me ya hadn’t healed right?” he asked, desperate to bring her back to him. “I coulda helped.”

 

Carol blinked heavily, her mind trying to process the many memories that bombarded her all at once. Fresh tears pooled in her eyes when she remembered the hurt, the anguish and fear that had threatened to swallow her whole when she’d seen him with Tonia. Her breath caught on a sob as she shook her head, trying to banish those images from her mind. He was here...he’d stayed...so why did she still feel so desolate?

 

“I...was...leaving,” she told him, her voice crumbling under the weight of her sorrow. “I can’t stay now...I can’t…”

 

“Car…”

 

“ _Don’t_ you see?” she half sobbed as she shook her head, tears spilling from closed lids, forcing the pooling salty droplets to slide over her cheeks. “I’ve lost you…”

 

“Hey,” he whispered, feeling just as broken as she was right now. “I ain’t goin’ nowhere...I’m stayin’ right here.”

 

“And after…what happens then?” she sniffed as she opened her eyes, the tiny movement causing more tears to tumble over her cheeks. “I _can’t_ be there...to see you two...so, I have to let you...go.”

 

“No,” he told her, shaking his head adamantly when his own tears began to fall. “Whatever you think...whatever you thought...it _ain’t_ true...none of it…”

 

“I may be _old_ , but I know what I saw…” she told him as she lifted her hand to swipe at the wetness on her face. The sting of the needle inserted into the back of her hand caused her to lower her arm again. The whole process made her feel more vulnerable than she’d felt in years, and she heard Ed’s voice taunting her, telling her what she already knew.

 

“ _I’m_ so stupid,” she hissed out, her voice catching on a sob. “All this time _I_ thought we...god...I’m so…”

 

“Ain’t like that with Tonia,” he told her, shaking his head. “It ain’t.”

 

“I…”

 

“I know ya think I don’t see ya,” he told her, his voice so soft as he spoke. “I know ya think I’ve got some kinda unresolved shit that’s left over with Beth...but I ain’t...never did. I shoulda left the minute I found out what Rick’d done, but the governor came and all hell broke loose...I got stuck with Beth, an’ I was an asshole...but she took it all.”

 

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, her tear filled eyes watching him as he unravelled before her.

 

“You ain’t gotta be sorry,” he told her, leaning in a little closer. “I want ya to know, _I_ woulda been out lookin’ for ya if that asshole hadn’t a shown up.”

 

“Doesn’t matter now…”

 

“It _does_ matter...don’t keep thinkin’ no one’s payin’ attention, or ya can slip away cuz ya think no one’s gonna notice. _I’ll_ notice...cuz I can’t do this shit without ya,” he groused, his voice firmer than he’d intended. Grasping her fingers a little tighter, he urged her to look at him as he spoke. “And I don’t wanna even try.”

 

When she didn’t answer, he tugged on her hand. He needed her to realise just how much he needed her in his life. He wanted to try to be a better man. He wanted to be the best man he could be, only for her...all of it was only for her...

 

“I ain’t any good at this shit…” he told her, his voice wavering as he spoke. “I don’t know how to do any a this relationship stuff, but ya gotta know, it’s always been you. Never been anyone else…”

 

Carol’s eyes grew wide, fresh tears pooling in her smoky blue depths. Her lips started to quiver and for a moment she didn’t know what to say. So, turning her hand beneath his, so they were palm to palm, she threaded their fingers together before pulling their joined hands over her heart. Everything bombarded her all at once, past and present colliding to bring a burst of clarity into her mind. She had been so busy trying to hide from herself that she’d missed every single one of his signs. He’d been hurting just as much as her, only she’d missed it because she was too wrapped up in her own self destruction to see. It was Tonia who had made her grind to a stop, slowing her down just enough for her to see him, the man she loved, slowly slipping away.

 

“It’s always been you too,” she whispered. “S’my fault... _all_ of it...I’m sorry...I know I’m not...”

 

_“Don’t,”_ he told her, cutting her off before she could say she wasn’t good enough. “Ya ain’t gotta be sorry for nothin’.”

 

They were silent for a few moments, both of them basking in the knowledge of what had just passed between them. Daryl was suddenly a bundle of nerves. He had all the feelings and he knew how he felt about her, but he hadn’t even kissed her yet. It was confusing and elating, so many emotions bombarding him at once.,,but he knew that whatever it took for them to move forward together, then he was willing to do whatever she needed.

 

Carol watched him almost shyly as she caught the love in his eyes. She wondered if he’d always looked at her that way, or if it was something that she was only now just seeing. Squeezing his fingers, she brought their joined hands to her lips, kissing his knuckles before she smiled up at him.

 

The door suddenly opened to reveal the blonde woman who had caused her so much turmoil. Daryl’s hand tightened in hers, and she tore her eyes away from the younger woman to look into the beautiful blue orbs of the man sitting beside her. He was there, trying so hard to make her see that she had nothing to worry about, but that insecure part of her still held on, clutching around her heart in a cast iron grip.

 

“You’re awake,” Tonia beamed, her saccharin smile dying on her lips when she saw the colour suddenly drain away from Carol’s face. Moving closer, she laid a hand on Daryl’s shoulder, patting him softly before pulling her hand away. “Rick has food for you. Why don’t you go and eat and I’ll stay with Carol for a while.”

 

“Ain’t leavin’ ‘er,” he groused, shaking his head in defiance as he clutched Carol’s hand a little tighter.

 

“Okay,” Tonia sighed. “But at least eat something, and maybe let the doctor take a look at your hand.”

 

“Told ya I’m fine, so why don’t ya leave us the _hell_ alone.”

 

Carol caught the hurt in Tonia’s eyes and for a moment she felt some semblance of pity for her. Daryl had always been so fiercely protective; it was just his way. It was one of the things she loved most about him. Squeezing his hand in her’s, Carol whispered his name, bringing his attention up to her.

 

“How did you hurt your hand?”

 

“I’m fine,” he grumbled, shaking his head as he swiped at his face with swollen fingers. Pain throbbed through his hand but he didn’t care. He wasn’t leaving Carol’s side for anything, other than for the bathroom, and nothing anyone could say would be able to change his mind.

 

“Daryl,” Carol whispered, her voice drawing his eyes to her. She could see his concern, it shone so clearly from his deep blue orbs. She was just as exhausted as he was, and every single thought just made her more tired. “ _Please_ …I’m just going to sleep...let the doctor look at your hand.”

 

Shaking his head, he looked down at her before her lowered his forehead, only this time he buried his face into the curve of her shoulder. He was so tired...every nerve in his body was screaming at him to succumb to the blissful pull of sleep, but he couldn’t. He was afraid to give into his body’s need, choosing to cat nap when his eyes could no longer stay open on their own. A soft sob caught in his throat when he felt her rest her cheek against his head, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to leave her side.

 

“Eat something too,” she whispered as she moved her face to kiss his hair, nuzzling her lips into the soft strands. “Then you can find out when I can get out of here.”

 

Her words sparked inside his mind and he suddenly lifted his head to look down at her with fire in his eyes. Drawing himself up a little higher her shook his head in annoyance.

 

“Ya _ain’t_ goin’ nowhere ‘till yer healed. Ya heard what the doc said,” he told her gruffly before he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “And if _ya_ think I’m goin’ anywhere without ya then _ya_ can think again.”

 

Carol’s eyes widened when he clung to her fingers, knowing him well enough to know that she’d hit a nerve. Her lips turned upwards into a small smile and just like that, she had diffused his anger and turned him back into putty in her hands.

 

“Okay,” she told him as she squeezed his hand again. “If you eat and get that hand looked at, then I’ll stay here...deal?”

 

“Yer a pain in my ass,” he chuckled, shaking his head in amusement when he realised she’d played him once again. “But if the doc wants to check ma hand then he can do it right here cuz I _ain’t_ leavin’.”

 

Carol’s eyes flittered towards the blonde woman who was hovering beside Daryl, still undecided whether to walk away. She knew that look, and the frustration that came with it. That had been the same expression she’d worn herself in those early days, when Daryl was untrusting and she was just a broken, abused housewife. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could utter one word, the younger woman tried again, moving closer to him this time.

 

“Then at least go and eat,” Tonia urged, but his refusal to even look at her caused her to take another step back, hurt burning through to her eyes.

 

“Tonia,” Carol choked out her name, hoping that one day the name wouldn’t feel so bitter on her tongue. “Maybe you could bring him something so he can eat in here?”

 

The young blonde nodded silently, her eyes falling away from the man whose forehead was pressed against Carol’s arm. Taking a step back, she turned silently and scurried out of the room without looking back, leaving just the two of them alone again.

tbc


	4. Chapter 4

In the early hours of the following morning, Rick made his way back into the infirmary after spending most of the previous day with Ezekiel. Moving into the semi lit room, Rick’s breath hitched in his chest when he saw Carol’s broken body, totally unprepared for seeing her like that. Tears stung his eyes when he moved a little bit closer towards the bed, trying not to focus on how vulnerable she looked. His time spent outside in the hall with his brother had caused his long buried guilt to re emerge. He’d managed to bury his shortcomings so deeply that it had taken something like this to break them open again. He had been reminded of everything he’d done wrong, _everything_...

Hot tears blurred his vision when he moved closer, his fingertips coming to rest on the pink mottled blanket that was draped over Carol’s body. Blinking at the moisture in his eyes, Rick took a deep breath and allowed his gaze to settle on the woman who had plucked at his conscience. She was laying in the bed, her eyes closed and her arm outstretched, clutching the hand of the man who was sleeping in the chair beside her bed. For a moment Rick couldn’t move. His eyes were transfixed on the couple, and for the hundredth time that day, he admonished himself for not paying attention. These two were bound to each other through a bond that went far deeper than love...and he’d missed it. He’d missed it at the farm...he’d missed it at the prison...he’d even missed it when Carol returned to stop Negan in his tracks. He had failed both of them on an epic scale...but most of all, he had failed _her_.

He stood at the end of her bed for a few moments, feeling like an intruder in her room. Her eyes were closed and her silver hair was highlighted against the whiteness of her pillow. He tried not to notice how fragile she looked, or how the edges of a bandage peeking over the neckline of her shirt, made her skin look somehow paler. With an IV above her and small bruises covering her pale arm, he felt his resolve crumble around him. Taking a step away, he moved backwards, intending to leave the couple to their sleep, but before he could leave the room, Carol’s eyes snapped open. 

Rick was rooted to the spot, part of him wanting to flee. For a moment he watched silently, feeling like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. His mouth opened, but his words got lost in his throat. He wanted to tell her he was going to make everything right again; and he would make up for the terrible wrongs he’d inflicted upon her. He wanted to flee and beg her forgiveness at the same time, but when she offered him a tired smile, his relief spurred him forward and drowned out all of those thoughts. Coming away from the door, he moved back towards her bed, tiptoeing so he wouldn’t wake his dozing brother beside her. He watched as she followed his gaze, turning her head to check that the man beside her was still asleep, before she looked at him again.

“He’s finally sleeping,” she whispered, nodding towards her slumbering protector, pleased that he had finally given in and closed his eyes. She allowed her gaze to drift over his crumpled form once more, unprepared for the surge of love that soared through her in that moment. This man had managed to dissolve many of her insecurities by staying by her side throughout all of this...and she couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away from him. 

“Hey… how’re you feeling?” Rick whispered, keeping his voice deliberately low as he moved closer to stop beside her bed. He came around to the opposite side, careful to avoid the IV tube that ran over the bed and into her hand. He reached out to her, laying his hand over her blanket covered knee. He patted softly before he pulled his hand away and smiled down at her, his eyes awash with tears.

“Been better,” she smiled as she tore her eyes away from Daryl to look up at him. Her breath caught a little when she saw how he seemed to be slowly coming apart before her eyes...but when he didn’t say anything else, she felt a sudden need to break the silence. “You brought me here?”

“We both did,” Rick nodded as he glanced across to his sleeping brother who hadn’t moved. “I’m glad to see you finally got him to rest.”

“Yeah,” she chuckled softly. “He’s too stubborn for his own good sometimes...it took a lot of coaxing just to let the doctor look at his hand.”

Rick followed her gaze, his eyes flaring with guilt when he saw his brother’s bandaged hand. Nodding silently he smiled up at her, wishing that he could erase the image of her broken, lifeless body out of his mind...but before he could tell her he was happy to see her looking better, she spoke again, knocking his world off kilter again.

“How did he do it?” she asked him, gesturing towards the man beside her. “He won’t tell me.”

“He...ah...he was a mess,” he told her. “He took his frustrations out on the wall...he...doesn’t do too well without you.”

“I know the feeling,” she chuckled mirthlessly, feeling a tiny measure of guilt when she saw something akin to shame flash in Rick’s eyes.

The former sheriff lowered his gaze, suddenly unable to look at her. He owed this woman so much, and until a few days ago, he hadn’t realised that he’d never even apologised to her for what he’d done. Things had happened so fast that there didn’t seem to be any time for dwelling on past mistakes...but by not addressing them, he’d only managed to make things worse.

“He made me think on some past mistakes I’d made...and some... _bad_ choices.”

“We’ve all made some bad choices, Rick,” she told him on a sigh. “Some of us just can never recover from them.”

Silence hung between them, mingling with the sudden shift in the room. She was watching him with multiple accusations in her eyes, and even though he knew he deserved them, he just wished that he could escape her scrutinizing stare. Lowering his gaze, he focussed on his hands instead, unable to look at her.

“I’m not proud of what I did to you,” he admitted softly, his voice still low. “And...I should have apologised to you a long time ago.”

Rick lifted his head to chance a look at her when she remained silent, her steely gaze fixed on him as he tried to explain. This woman had the power to terrify him, like she had an invisible switch that just turned on when she was needed to get things done. She wasn’t afraid to take on a psychopath like Negan, and she wasn’t afraid to single handedly walk into a place like terminus and kill anyone who was a threat. She was so strong, so much stronger than he gave her credit for...and part of him was just waiting for her to finally punish him for the treacherous thing he did to her.

“What I did to you…it was wrong,” he told her solemnly, her silence unnerving him. “Carol…”

“What do you want me to say?” she asked him then, her voice low as she shifted a little in the bed. She grimaced when the pain shot through her abdomen, but she was careful not to make a sound. She hissed out a breath as she glanced across at Daryl, making sure she hadn’t disturbed his sleep.

“I need to know we’re okay...Carol...I...”

“You want me to tell you I don’t harbour any ill feelings towards you?” she asked him, her voice strangely calm. “You want me to say everything’s okay?”

“No...yes…”

“Am I supposed to forget you told me I would kill your children?”

“I was wrong…”

“Yes you were,” she hissed, knowing this wasn’t the time to unleash everything onto him. So taking a breath, she reined those feelings back inside. There would be another time to deal with him, when she was stronger and not tethered to a hospital bed. Turning her gaze onto his flushed face, she watched as a myriad of emotions flashed in his eyes. She could see him crumbling, unravelling and tearful, so she waited for him to regain his composure before she spoke again. “But you did me a favour by kicking me out that day.”

“What…” shaking his head, Rick took a step closer towards her until he was perched on the side of her bed. “Don’t say it like that, Carol. Please don’t...I…”

“What would you call it then Rick?” she asked in a hushed whisper. “You locked that car door and threw my bags onto the street…”

“I was worried about Tyreese…”

“ _You_ were worried about _yourself_ ,” she snapped, her voice slicing icily through his. “And after terminus you treated me like I had to be grateful that you took me back into your precious group.”

“Carol…”

“You taught me to be careful who I trusted in future,” she told him honestly. “And for a while, I was going to leave again as soon as I got Ty and Judith back to you. I would have gone too if Daryl hadn’t found me before I could leave.”

“ _I_ didn’t know that...” Rick’s voice wavered, guilt fraying his words. “I’m so sorry...I know I can’t ever make up for what I did, but I want you to come home to us when you’re well enough...Daryl needs you to come home...and I do too.”

“I can’t promise you that,” she sighed sadly. “You forced me to survive on my own, and now I can.”

“Carol…”

“Whatever I decide to do, I’ll be doing it for Daryl,” she told him, her voice softening when she glanced back to the man still sleeping beside her. “I promised him I wouldn’t leave him again.”

“I…”

Daryl’s eyes suddenly snapped open and he sat up stiffly in his chair. Blinking heavily he clutched her hand a little tighter before he noticed that his brother was perched on the side of her bed. He nodded towards Rick as he squeezed Carol’s fingers, bringing their joined hands towards his lips.

“Hey...yer supposed to be sleepin’.”

“That’s my fault,” Rick told him, his eyes flitting between the couple who were still clutching one another’s hand. “I only intended to stay for a few minutes, but…”

“Rick just wanted to see how we were doing,” Carol nodded, looking towards Daryl with a reassuring smile. 

“Yeah,” the former sheriff agreed, smiling gratefully at the woman in the bed. “I just wanted to see if you two needed anything while I’m here.”

“Ya goin’ back to Alexandria?” Daryl asked as he sat up straighter in his chair and stretched out his back.

“Depends on you two,” Rick shrugged, looking between the two of them expectantly. “If doc says Carol can go home in a couple of days then I’ll stay around and ride back with you.”

Daryl felt Carol’s fingers tighten around his and he instantly caught her gaze. Nothing had been decided, but he knew going back to Alexandria wasn’t something she was ready for yet. He squeezed her fingers before he looked towards his brother and shrugged his shoulders.

“We’re probably gonna stick around here for a while,” Daryl told him, trying to ignore the flare of worry in Rick’s eyes. “Doc wants to make sure she’s healin’ right, and I ain’t goin’ anywhere ‘till she’s ok.”

“But…” Rick started, but his voice died on his lips when Daryl got to his feet.

“She’s supposed to be restin’”

“Daryl...All I’ve done is sleep,” she groused, already knowing that her annoyance had no effect on her stoic protector.

“And yer gonna sleep some more,” he told her firmly, ignoring her protests and his brother’s chiding grin.

“I’m tired of seeing these four walls…maybe you could see if I can get up to use the bathroom at least?” she tried again, hoping he would relent and get her out of here.

“Ya heard the doc,” he admonished, shaking his head in defiance. “Ya ain’t goin’ nowhere ‘till he says ya can.”

“What are you going to do? Tie me to the bed?” she huffed, completely ignoring the fact that she would have said those words in a teasing tone once upon a time.

“If I have to,” he snapped back, but his exasperation melted within seconds when he saw her eyes flash with hurt at his tone. 

Rick watched the two of them silently, and he wondered if they even remembered he was still in the room. Their fingers were still entwined and their eyes were locked in a heated gaze, and he suddenly felt like a voyeur as he witnessed whatever this was that was brewing between them. He moved from the bed, trying to to make an awkward exit, but before he could move, the couple seemed to come to a silent agreement. He watched in fascination as they smiled at each other; a real, genuine smile. Just seeing the sincerity in his brother’s face made everything between the couple so completely real.

“So, am I gonna have ta tie ya down?” Daryl asked her, his eyes sparkling with mirth when she flashed him a wide grin.

“Well Pookie, when you put it like that, it sounds kind of kinky!”

“Pfft...think ya funny don’t ya!” he scoffed, even though his face was burning under her gaze. 

“Little bit,” she grinned. “Okay, I won’t fight, but only if you promise to rest too.”

“Alright,” he nodded. “I’ll be fine sleepin’ right here.”

Carol nodded and watched him silently when he stretched the kinks out of his back and she suddenly wanted to tell him everything. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him...how she had missed him so badly when she’d left to find the solitude she had thought she’d craved. This man had given her so much in such a short time, and even though he claimed he wasn’t good at relationships, he had already shown her how loving someone was supposed to feel.

“Gotta take a piss,” he announced, his declaration bringing a teasing smile to Carol’s lips. Shaking his head, Daryl chuckled as he released her hand, waving off her smirk before leaning forward to press a kiss onto her forehead. He didn’t even realise what he’d done until he pulled away, and his cheeks flushed slightly when he caught her bright smile. He couldn’t help but return her smile as he grinned back, feeling lighter than he’d felt in months.

“Stay here with ‘er,” Daryl looked towards Rick, his voice leaving no room for negotiation. 

“I’ll be right here, brother,” Rick nodded. “I won’t leave her alone again.”

Daryl nodded, not missing the look that Carol fired towards the man standing beside her. He knew he’d awoken to some tension between them, and whatever it was was still yet to be resolved. He glanced back towards the bed, his eyes meeting her blue gaze. He wanted her to stay here until she was well enough, even though he knew she would fight him throughout all of it. Deciding on another course of action, he grinned at her before he left the room.

On his way back from the restroom, Daryl went in search of Carol’s doctor, hoping to run something by him to make her recovery less stressful. Moving along the corridor, he spotted Tonia in deep conversation with one of Ezekiel’s guards and instantly changed direction. He’d been so furious with her, and part of him was still unsure why. She’d forced him to delve deeper into the relationship he’d always had with Carol, but until she got sick, he had to wonder how long they would have continued to just stay as they were. He didn’t want just a friendship with Carol, and until he’d witnessed her reaction to Tonia, he hadn’t realised that she wanted them to become more too. The pure fact was that he loved her...he’d always loved her, and it took almost losing her to make him finally act on it.

Carol’s doctor came out of a side room when Daryl saw him. He sped up his pace, calling out to him before he could disappear. “Hey Doc…”

“Mr Dixon,” the doctor nodded as he turned around to face him. “Can I help you with something?”

“Uh yeah, I think so, doc...Carol’s gettin’ restless,” he told him on a sigh. “I ain’t gonna be able to keep her still for much longer.”

“Mr Dixon your wife is recovering from a pretty nasty infection.”

“Yeah, don’t ya think I know that?” Daryl huffed, too tired to correct the doctor on his wrong assumptions right now. “But if ya knew her, you’d know that woman never listens to a damn thing when it comes to herself...she’s always doin’ stuff for everyone else and…”

“I understand,” the doctor grinned, patting Daryl’s shoulder sympathetically. “My wife was much the same when she was alive.”

“I…”

“Look, tell your wife I’ll be in to check on her later today. If her temperature is down and her next bloodwork comes back okay then maybe you can take her out into the gardens.”

“She’s gripin’ about using the bathroom too, just so ya know,” Daryl chuckled, shaking his head when he thought about Carol’s determined glare earlier. “She ain’t used ta bein’ the one taken care of.”

“Well one day at a time,” the doctor smiled. “Let’s see how her tests come back today.”

“Alright,” Daryl worried on his lips thoughtfully for a moment before another thought struck him. “If her tests are good, can take care a her at home instead a here?”

“I’d be reluctant because of the distance…”

“Nah we got a house near the kingdom,” he cut in hopefully, his mind focussing on the run down house where he’d found Carol before the war. “It’s not far from here, an’ I’ll be with her every minute...won’t let her do anythin’ she ain’t supposed ta do.”

The doctor regarded him for a moment, surprise registering in his eyes as he took in the sincerity of the man before him. The man looked gruff and stoic, far from the loving husband that he was. “We’ll discuss it later.”

Daryl nodded his head in thanks as he turned away from the man before him. It wasn’t a confirmation by any means, but it was a possibility. He hadn’t discussed it with Carol yet, but he hoped if the doctor gave his permission, then she would accept the help he was offering. He wanted to stay with her and explore whatever this was that had been growing between them. So he made his way back towards Carol’s room, a new resolve in his step.

000

 

When he opened the door to Carol’s room, he was surprised to see her sleeping again. Looking towards Rick, he eyed him questioningly when his brother pressed a finger against his own lips, hushing any questions he was going to ask. Rick got up from his chair and looked down at the slumbering woman once more before he reluctantly moved away and made his way towards him.

“We were talking,” Rick whispered softly. “She just fell asleep in between telling me what an idiot I am!”

“Yeah?” Daryl grinned, looking around his brother to look towards the bed,

“Yeah, and she wasn’t wrong either,” he chuckled. “I’m heading back to Alexandria tonight...if she’s this exhausted after just talking, then she’s not ready to travel home.”

“She okay?” Daryl asked worriedly as he started towards the bed, but when Rick reached out to stop him, placing a hand on his arm, it took all of his restraint to not push his brother away from him.

“She’s going to get through this,” Rick told him reassuringly. “You both are.”

Daryl regarded him for a long moment before he nodded his head, “I’m gonna stay with her, ya know that right?”

“Yes, brother. I know.”

“Okay,” Daryl told him softly, aching to return to Carol’s side. “And if she’s not ready to go back home, then I ain’t leavin’ without her.”

“I know that too,” Rick smiled sadly as he glanced back towards the sleeping woman. “She deserves everything from both of us...I can’t take back what I did, but I _can_ give her this…”

“She talked about before? When ya left her out there?”

“Yes…” shaking his head, Rick lowered his eyes, shame cascading through him once more before he lifted his head and focussed on his brother’s worried face. “The two of you need this... _she_ needs this…”

“And if she doesn’t wanna go back? Ya goin’ to accept that?”

Rick closed his eyes against the swell of sorrow that soured through him. He didn’t want to lose them, of course he didn’t. They were his family, both of them...he was going to miss them, and grieve with every moment of their absence, but he knew he had to let them go.

“If it’s what she needs, then yes,” Rick told him, his voice cracking slightly as he spoke. “Because of you, I have my family. Because of _her_ , I have my daughter. I owe both of you so much, and I owe her so much more than I can give her.”

Daryl watched his brother silently, he too feeling the tear inside his heart. This man was his kin, regardless of blood. You made your own family in this world, and he’d found everything in these people since the turn. He’d gone from a man who clung to his brother because he was all he’d had, to a man who had been granted love from all different directions. His life had a purpose because of his makeshift family...and he’d been made whole because of the woman asleep in her bed.

“We’ll come back one day,” Daryl whispered, feeling his own grief beginning to burn in his eyes. “We will.”

“I don’t doubt it brother,” Rick sniffed, clasping Daryl’s hand tightly in his own. “If you need anything…”

“I’ll get a message to you,” he nodded, swiping at his eyes as he released his brother’s hand. “Take Tonia back with you too, there ain’t nothin’ for her to do do here now. Whatever Carol needs, I’ll be here.”

Rick nodded solemnly and took one more look behind him before he offered Daryl a watery smile. With one final nod, he reached forward, engulfing the man before him in a tight embrace, before he released him just as quickly to pull the door open to step out of the room. Daryl watched the closed door for a few moments as he tried to blink the tears away. He would miss them all, there was no doubt about that, but he loved Carol...and she was everything.

Turning back towards the bed, he made his way over to retake his seat beside her. He couldn’t help but watch her for a few moments, relishing the delicate curves of her cheek. Leaning back in his chair again, he sighed when he realised he missed the feel of her hand in his, but he didn’t reach for her this time Instead he watched her while she slept, already making plans for their future in his head. Carol whimpered in her sleep and he was instantly on high alert. Sitting up in his chair, he leaned closer towards the bed, sliding his fingers over the blanket. He watched silently, his heart leaping inside his chest when she flexed her fingers and moved her hand, seeking blindly until she came into contact with his. He shuffled closer, wrapping his fingers around hers, her warmth filling him with a sense of relief.

“It’s okay,” he whispered softly, skimming a fingertip across her knuckles. “‘M here...never gonna leave ya again…”

Carol sighed and slowly opened her eyes, blinking heavily as she focussed on his worried face.. “Mmm...I fell asleep?”

“S’okay,” he told her softly when he brought their joined hands to his lips. “Ya need ta sleep.”

“Will...you stay?” she asked, even though her eyes were closing she spoke.

Daryl nuzzled her fingers, peppering kisses over her knuckles before he rested their interlocked fingers against his cheek.

“Always,” he whispered softly, watching the small smile tug at her lips before she fell into slumber once more. His gaze lingered over her long after she had closed her eyes. Nothing mattered any more, nothing but her. With their hands still clutched tightly together, Daryl lowered his forehead onto the bed beside her and allowed the past few days to wash over him. Closing his eyes he sighed against her fingers, hoping to find some blessed relief from all of the fears that flittered around inside his head...and as his body relaxed, giving in to the exhaustion that encompassed him, he knew that his life would never be the same again...and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

tbc


	5. Chapter 5

“Pack up your stuff,” Rick stood in the doorway to Tonia’s room, looking tired and dishevelled as he motioned to the space around her. “We’re heading back to Alexandria in the morning.”

“But, Carol’s still sick,” she shook her head in confusion. “We can’t just…”

“Daryl’s staying here...and whether you know it or not, he’s all she needs to get through this,” Rick told her. “So be ready to leave first thing, okay?”

“But…I can’t just leave Daryl to take care of her alone!”

“ _Tonia_ ,” his voice came out on a sigh as he reached out to clasp her shoulder. “Daryl wants me to take you back with me.”

“No...but...I don’t understand...”

“Look, there’s a lot of stuff you don’t know about them,” Rick told her. “There’s some things I don’t even know myself, but he can do this...he _needs_ to be here with her.”

Tonia opened her mouth to protest but Rick withdrew his hand and waved off any further questions. She didn’t know what was going on, but she wasn’t just going to up and leave without finding out the reasons why Daryl was so keen to make her leave.

Tossing the book she had been reading down onto the table, she sighed as the disappointment seeped through her. They were leaving early in the morning, and she hadn’t been given a choice in the matter. Part of her wanted to leave with him, to return to Tara and continue exploring their new relationship, but she was torn. From what she’d seen, Carol was far from recovering rapidly. She had assisted in the infirmary back home and seen her fair share of infections, but this with Carol, it was far more serious than either Rick or Daryl realised. The risk of further infection was a factor, especially with the less than sterile conditions...she just hoped that Daryl understood that. 

She respected Carol immensely, and yes, she was a little infatuated with her, but that’s all it was. She was a beautiful, capable woman who stirred up some deeper feelings inside her, but she wouldn’t ever act on it, at least she didn’t think she would. She wasn’t blind...she could see that there was something burning between Daryl and the older woman; something that was undeniably deep. She wasn’t there to inflict any more pain; that’s not what she wanted at all.

Sighing heavily, Tonia rubbed her hands tiredly over her face and flopped down onto the bed in her room. She didn’t want to go against Daryl’s wishes, but she felt so drawn to stay. Maybe she could talk to him herself before they were due to leave the next morning, at least that way she could warn him of her fears. Infections like Carol’s could turn worse without warning, and if that did happen she wanted to be here to offer her assistance, whether Daryl allowed it was another matter. So with determination spurring her onwards, she got up from the bed and went in search of Carol’s doctor, ready to plead her case.

000

Daryl cracked one eye open and drew in a deep breath as he slowly sat up. His stomach rumbled noisily and his eyes sprang to Carol’s sleeping face. He couldn’t even remember the last time he ate, he’d been so wrapped up in Carol that he hadn’t even thought of food. Stretching out the knot in his back, he carefully untangled their fingers to lay her hand gently back on the bed. Standing slowly, his gaze lingered over her face and he felt his heart ache inside his chest. He’d almost lost her for good this time...how many times was he going to sit back and watch while she slowly disappeared? He couldn’t lose her again...he wouldn’t.

He needed to stretch his legs out and walk around, but there was no way he was going to leave her here by herself. All he wanted was to take her away from this room, and allow her to heal away from this sterile place. She needed sunlight and fresh air, not a windowless room that just reminded her that she couldn’t leave. As soon as he could get her away from here, he was going to stay with her in that run down little house. Even if she didn’t want him to be there all the time, he could stay close by. Whatever she wanted, he would do it all.

Carol’s hand moved across the bed, her fingers searching and he couldn’t do anything except reach for her again. His own need was forgotten when she sighed in her sleep, her fingers closing around his. He couldn’t leave her… he just couldn’t. It was absurd, and it was illogical, but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to leave her side. It was as if something inside him had reached out to tether them together, binding them in every possible way. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what his life would be without her, and he didn’t even want to try anymore. So, sinking back down into the chair, he lowered his forehead onto their joined hands and closed his eyes. 

“Daryl…”

Hearing her soft voice, he lifted his head and brought their entwined fingers up to his lips and waited for her to turn her face towards him.

“Hey,” he smiled. “How’re ya feelin’?”

“Mm… thirsty…”

Releasing her hand, he laid it onto the bed and stood up to reach across to the table beside him. One of the women had brought some water in when Rick was with her, but she’d been asleep so he’d left the unopened bottle on the table.

“Hold on,” he told her softly as he unpopped the cap and slipped one of his hands behind her head, tilting her up slightly. Holding the bottle to her lips, he squeezed a little of the water into her mouth and waited until she swallowed before he squeezed it again, repeating the process another two times until she smiled up at him tiredly.

“Thank you…”

“S’okay,” he told her softly as he gently lowered her head against the pillow, before placing the bottle back onto the table. He watched her for a few more moments, needing to be closer to her. Looking down at his vacant chair, he shifted and instead chose to sit down on the edge of her bed.

“How long have we been here?” she whispered, her eyes flitting around the cream coloured walls before coming to rest on him. “You stayed all this time?”

“Ain’t leavin’,” he told her adamantly, reaching to reclaim her hand with his own. “Told ya, I ain’t goin’ anywhere without ya.”

“Daryl…” 

When he met her gaze he was taken aback by the sorrow shining in her eyes. Swallowing hard, he moved a little closer and brought her hand up to his face and planted a soft kiss into the centre of her palm, trying desperately to stop his own tears from falling.

“I’m sorry…”

“For what?” he asked. “Ya ain’t got nothin’ to be sorry for.”

“I tried to handle the...infection...myself...I knew I needed antibiotics...” she whispered, blinking heavily against the welling pools in her eyes. “But I didn’t want to...be a...burden.”

Daryl shook his head and nuzzled his face into her palm, unable to stop his own tears from falling. After everything she had been through, all she was concerned with was being a problem to everyone. Didn’t she know by now that she was far from that?

“Ya ain’t,” he told her softly as he squeezed her fingers. “I’m here cuz I wanna be here...and if ya tryin’ to make me leave...”

“ _Please_ …don’t...” her voice was so soft that he had to strain to hear her. He lowered himself a little closer to her and skimmed his thumb across her cheek, swiping at the salty droplet that rolled down her face.

“I won’t,” he promised softly. “Not gonna leave.”

“I’m sorry...I...said all that stuff about Beth…I...” her voice cracked as she tried to speak, but the ball of emotion, that had brought her to her knees before her collapse, was back, wreaking havoc inside her. Swallowing hard, she tried to get her words out...she wanted to explain...but before she could tell him, a noise outside the room caused her to shut down again. Daryl’s eyes had never left hers, his deep blue depths imploring her to quash any of the worries that still lingered...but everything was so messed up, and with Tonia still here, everything was just so damn confusing.

When the door opened a few seconds later, Daryl lifted his head to see Carol’s doctor and Tonia, make their way into the room. A flash of annoyance flared through him when his eyes fell onto the blonde woman who was ignoring his glare, instead choosing to focus on changing Carol’s IV.

“Where’s Rick?” he asked, directing his question to the young blonde who still hadn’t looked in his direction. “Thought you was goin’ with him.”

After a few moments, Tonia shifted her eyes to his and shook her head as she looked down at Carol and smiled. “I’m going to take your temperature and blood pressure, if that’s okay.”

At Carol’s nod, Daryl slipped off the bed and got to his feet. Releasing her hand, he stood to the side when Tonia came around to place a blood pressure cuff onto Carol’s arm, biting his tongue when he wanted to fire so many questions at her. He waited by the foot of the bed until Tonia had finished, and then moved back around to retake Carol’s hand in his own. He watched the doctor intently when he read the blood pressure readings, before he reached down for Carol’s other hand to check that the needle for the IV was still in place, before moving to her wrist. 

“Doc?” he asked worriedly when he saw the older man frown as he held Carol’s slender wrist between his fingers, checking her pulse rate. “What…”

“Pulse rate is steady, but blood pressure is a little high,” he nodded, directing his response to Daryl before he looked down at Carol, gently patting her shoulder. “I need to check your wounds Mrs Dixon. Would you like your husband to stay?”

Carol’s eyes flared wide and she looked towards Daryl questioningly. She could see the red flush creeping over his neck and up his cheeks, and she knew there had to be a good reason why everyone assumed they were married. Squeezing his fingers in reassurance, she looked up at him, wondering if he knew how much she cherished him.

“Yes,” she whispered as she glanced across at the doctor before she turned to focus on Daryl’s face again, her lips lifting into a smile. “I want him to stay.”

Beside her side, Tonia’s eyes flittered between the two of them, her initial anger at Daryl melting away when she saw how they were together. She didn’t know the full history behind these two people, but she knew a marriage when she saw one, regardless whether it was real or not.

“Carol, I’m going to be staying around for a little while if that’s okay?” Tonia told her, smiling down at the older woman before she lifted her gaze into the stormy eyes of the man opposite her.

“Thought ya was goin’ back to Tara,” Daryl groused. “Ain’t she expectin’ ya?”

“Rick’s going to let her know I’ll be back in a week or so,” she nodded, turning her attention onto Carol who was looking up at her curiously. 

“Tara?” 

“Yes,” Tonia grinned. “We’re sort of together. Nothing official but we’re taking it slow.”

“Just don’t go _too_ slow,” Carol told her with a smile, only to suck in a breath and clamp her eyes closed, when the bandage was peeled away from the wound on her stomach. Her fingers tightened around Daryl’s hand and she tried desperately not to cry out, but a whimper escaped nonetheless.

“Yer hurtin’ her,” Daryl hissed, his eyes wide and frantic as he moved closer to thread the fingers of his free hand through her hair. His gaze dropped down to her pale face and he tried to move even closer to the bed, aching to protect her from any more pain. Despite trying not to look, his eyes shifted onto her exposed skin, and to the scars that littered her torso. Criss cross patterns merged into each other, and not for the first time, he wished her ex husband was still alive so that he could kill him himself. Shifting a little closer towards her, he hoped that his presence could help to soothe her, and reassure Carol that he wasn’t leaving her side.

Tonia held onto the clean dressings and watched while the physician pressed around the wound. She winced a little when she saw the puckered skin, and tried to remember if it had been so red before. Whichever way she looked at it, the wound looked far from healing normally, instead it seemed to be more swollen. From the scars over the older woman’s body, she could already see that she was a survivor. This woman had defeated an enemy who had inflicted abuse and evil tyranny onto every community he came across. She could still remember the day when the saviours came to Oceanside, wreaking havoc and misery to every single woman in their community. His death had been the best gift Carol could have bestowed on all of them, and because of her, they were all free now. She was so lost in her own memories that she didn’t realise that the doctor had finished his examination and was speaking to the woman lying prone in the bed. 

“I’m sorry,” The doctor’s voice echoed in the silence. “Mrs Dixon, the infection isn’t healing as quickly as I’d like. You’re going to have to stay on the antibiotics via the IV for another week at least...I’m not happy with the inflammation around the wound either.”

“So what does that mean, doc?” Daryl asked worriedly when his eyes roamed over Carol’s scarred body.

“It means I have to stay in this _damn_ bed,” Carol groaned in dismay as she opened her eyes, already feeling like she was a prisoner here. “I can’t just keep lying here…”

“I want you in here for at least another day. It’s not just the wound that concerns me,” he told her, his eyes lifting to Daryl’s as he spoke. “Her temperature is a little elevated too.”

Carol could already feel the hopeless depression settling around her. Even on her darkest days with Ed, she had never stayed in bed, not even after giving birth to Sophia. Ed had made sure she still did her chores and kept the house clean even though she was still physically exhausted. She couldn’t just lay here and do nothing while everyone worked around her...she had to pull her weight...be useful... 

Daryl was hovering beside her, clutching onto her hand. He could see how she was struggling to understand the seriousness of her injuries, and he was almost certain that she would go stir crazy if she stayed in this room much longer. Rubbing his thumb across her temple, he knew he had to do something to help.

“If she has to stay here, then can’t ya at least move her to somewhere with a window?” He asked hopefully. “She hates being stuck in this bed.”

“Maybe tomorrow,” he nodded before he took the clean dressings from Tonia and proceeded to redress the wound. “If you’re staying too, I’ll see if we can find a cot for you to sleep in.”

“Don’t matter none ‘bout me,” Daryl groused. “I’s just fine in the chair.” 

“Thank you,” Carol smiled thankfully, her words rushing through her parted lips. “He won’t sleep while I’m in here.”

“Told ya…’M fine…”

“Daryl, _please_ …” she whispered as she turned her gaze onto him. “I can’t rest if you don’t too.”

Daryl sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and nodded silently as he untangled his fingers from her hair. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, he’d never been anyone’s husband before, even if it was all pretend. His eyes met hers once more, and the love he saw emanating from her deep blue depths, calmed his nerves and he found himself wrapping her smaller hand in between both of his.

“I still ain’t leavin’,” he told her with a hint of a smile before he glanced up at Tonia as she lowered the fabric of Carol’s top back over her stomach. 

“I’ll take some more blood tomorrow,” the doctor told her with a smile. “In the meantime, we’ll remove the catheter so you can get up and use the bathroom, but only if you’re accompanied by your husband, or Tonia. You can try sitting up a little but I don’t want you to put any strain on your wound, at least until the swelling decreases. A few more days of bed rest, and if you’re improving enough we can maybe allow your husband to care for you at home.”

“Home?” Carol asked softly, not relishing the thought of returning to Alexandria so soon. She didn’t really know where home was anymore, but before she could begin to process, she felt Daryl lift her hand to his chest and she turned to meet his gaze.

“Thought we could go back to the house near the kingdom,” he told her, waiting to see her reaction. “It’s close enough for the doc to come check on you, and if Rick…”

“Yes,” she gasped out, her words breaking through is. “I’d like that.”

“Alright,” he grinned, nodding rapidly as relief washed through him. “As soon as the doc gives you the all clear I’ll head over and get it ready for us.”

“Okay…”

“In the meantime, make sure she rests. Plenty of fluids and no exertion.”

“Don’t worry doc,” Daryl promised, as he lowered one of his hands to smooth his fingers along her bare arm. “She won’t be doin’ anythin’ she ain’t supposed ta be doin’.”

“Can I get either of you anything?” Tonia asked before she turned to follow the older man out of the room.

“Nah, we’re good,” Daryl told her, nodding in thanks as he moved to retake his seat beside Carol’s bed.

“Tonia,” Carol’s voice brought the blonde woman’s attention back onto her, and she offered her a tired smile. “Would you bring him some food? He won’t eat at all otherwise.”

“Told ya I’m fine,” Daryl sighed, even though his stomach begged to differ. “Stop yer fussin’ woman.”

Shaking her head, Carol squeezed his fingers but kept her focus solely on the other woman who seemed to be trying to decide whether to stay or leave. Reaching out, she moved her arm slowly, careful not to knock the needle in the back of her hand.

“Tonia,” she tried again, this time knowing that regardless of Daryl’s gruffness, the younger woman was focussed solely on her. “Anything you can spare will be good.”

“Of course,” she smiled, her eyes softening as she squeezed Carol’s shoulder gently. “What about you? Anything you need?”

“No...thank you...I have everything I need,” Carol’s smiled beautifully and turned her head towards the man by her side, watching the rosy flush creep over his cheeks. Neither of them noticed that Tonia had left the room until the door clicked shut behind her.

“So, have you got anything you want to tell me, Pooky?” Carol asked, her lips growing wide when he lowered his head onto their joined hands. “Because I think I missed our wedding.”

_“Staaap_ …” he groaned, his voice muffled against her fingers.

“I even missed the wedding night…” When he didn’t answer, she tried again, dropping her teasing tone. “Daryl…”

This time when he lifted his head, ready with explanations, his thoughts melted away when she lifted her thumb to run it over his. His eyes met hers, and he found himself suddenly drowning in her deep blue depths, willingly succumbing to the feelings that were causing chaos inside him.

“I...the doc, he…just thought...”

“I don’t care,” she told him softly, her watery eyes telling him everything. “It doesn’t matter how, or why...not anymore.”

“I didn’t tell him he was wrong,” his gravelled voice was no more than a whisper, but she heard him anyway. 

“If I had to be anyone’s pretend wife...I’d be _yours_ ,” she smiled, blinking at the moisture pooling in her eyes. “Every time.”

“So...it’s okay?” he asked softly, embarrassment spreading over his cheeks. He hated that he blushed so easily around her, but he’d never felt like this about anyone before.

“Yes,” she smiled. “I haven’t been Carol Peletier for a long time...and I was a _nobody_ for a lot longer than that…”

“Don’t…” he warned, instantly bringing her fingers up to his lips. “You’ve always been _somebody_ ta me.”

His words sent a surge of tears to pool in her eyes, the watery droplets cascading over her cheeks. She laughed and cried both at the same time, not caring that her tears tumbled out of her.

“I don’t think I was even _that_ to Ed, not since those early years anyway...” she whispered. 

“He was an asshole,” he groused as he got to his feet once more to perch on the edge of her bed. “And he ain’t worth yer damn time.”

Carol’s eyes lowered to their interlocked fingers, marvelling at how perfectly they fit together. He had been so patient, staying by her side for however long she had been here, and showing her a side of himself that she always knew existed. They both slipped into a comfortable silence, as he skimmed his thumb across her hand. She could feel her eyes growing heavier when his soft strokes soothed her, and her last thoughts before she slipped into slumber, were of him.

tbc


	6. Chapter 6

Two days later, after only being allowed out of bed to go to the bathroom, Carol was restless. She had been in this bed for far too long. As much as she relished having Daryl’s undivided attention, she was starting to feel increasingly trapped by this room, and his overprotectiveness. Sighing, she moved her legs and tried to push herself up a little higher in the bed, but his scowl stopped her in her tracks. Frustration at this whole situation was causing havoc inside her; she’d never felt so useless since her marriage to Ed. Biting her bottom lip, she tried desperately to keep hold of her annoyance when he got to his feet to stand beside her bed.

She knew she was being irrational, and she’d had this conversation with him time and time again, but she could see how exhausted he was. She knew being cooped up in this room with her was grating on his every last nerve. He hated to be confined just as much as she did, but he just refused to leave her side. She loved him so much but he was becoming unbearable and as much as she tried to stop it, her mouth shot ahead of her brain, and before she knew it she had started snapping at him when he didn’t deserve it. So now, after a tense few hours, the two of them sat in silence until the quietness became almost deafening, and she tried desperately to repair the damage she’d caused.

“I feel fine...honestly...I’m so much better than I was,” she told him, keeping her voice soft as she spoke. “I know you’re worried, but I can’t _just_ keep laying here.”

“Ya can,” he groused. “Ya heard what the doc said, ya ain’t gotta be exertin’ yerself.”

“But…all I’ve done is go to the bathroom!” she told him on a sigh trying desperately to keep her voice calm. “I _need_ to get out of this room...it’s driving me _crazy_...please...”

“Nah, I ain’t doin’ this with ya again,” he snapped, tiredness hanging heavily in his voice. “Ya gonna stay where ya are ‘till yer healed.”

“But that could take months…” she whined miserably, the overwhelming depression looming heavily over her. “What use am I to anybody if I can’t _work?”_

“Yer healin’...ya ain’t gotta be thinkin’ ‘bout nothin’ else but that….fer _fuck’s_ sake woman, ya can take a _damn_ break for once,” he growled out, irritation seeping through his words. Rubbing his hands tiredly across his face, he groaned in frustration. He knew she was getting antsy, hell he was too. The two of them had been stuck in this room with nothing but themselves for company for near on five days and it was beginning to grind on both of them. He was tired and grouchy, feeding off the same discontent that mirrored hers...and even though he’d tried so hard not to retort, the two of them had been sniping at each other for the last few minutes. He had to get away from her, if only for a little while. He needed to cool off and let her settle too, otherwise they would explode at each other in the worst possible way...and he couldn’t... _wouldn’t_ , do that to her.

He eyed her warily when she looked at him, noting how her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. He was an asshole for griping when she was the one in pain. She never liked to be still, she was always moving, flitting around and helping anyone that needed it. Tension coiled inside him, mixing with the love and the anxiousness that came along with it. He was dealing with his need to protect her, to love her and to not screw this whole thing up...and the whole thing was fucking with his mind.

Tearing his eyes from hers, he moved away from her bed, shrugging off her attempts to grasp his hand. He knew if he touched her then he wouldn’t be able to leave her side, and he knew she needed the space just as much as he did. “I’mma gonna take a piss and find the doc.”

Before she could answer, he’d already reached the door. She watched in expectation, waiting for him to turn back with a look of reassurance, but he didn’t. He just left without another word, leaving her feeling confused, frustrated and incredibly alone. Without his presence, the room seemed to close in on her and she suddenly couldn’t breathe…clamping her eyes shut, she counted slowly in her head, slowing her breaths until the panic receded, all the while cursing herself for chasing Daryl away…

She counted the seconds in her head, but she lost count after her mind began swimming with uncertainty. She’d been silently watching the closed door for what felt like hours, unprepared for how much she missed his constant presence...but within the silence, those old nagging insecurities began to fester, bringing her dead husband’s voice out of the shadows...He was _laughing_ at her, laughing and taunting...viciously reminding her that she wasn’t worth any man’s time...and of how useless and ugly she was. Ed’s voice grew even louder in her head, convincing her that he hadn’t been lying. When he’d told her that she should have been grateful that he’d married her, his taunts were far too convincing...what other man would ever want a washed up old hag like her anyway? She should have known that this was some fantasy life she could never have...and despite what he’d said, Daryl wouldn’t want to be with her...she wasn’t worth it...never had been…

Moving her feet, she dug her heels into the mattress and pushed herself upwards, wincing a little when the wounds on her body stung with the friction. Tears stung in her eyes but she blinked them away before they could break free. Tears helped no one, and she was so much stronger than that now. With so many different scenarios floating around in her head, she looked down at the IV needle in the back of her hand and pondered on how long it would take her to remove it, find some clothes and get out of here...she could do it...she could leave before anyone even realised she’d gone. Reaching down to the needle in her hand she hovered over it, psyching herself up to get this over with. 

The door to her room opened suddenly and she snatched her hand away. Looking up, she couldn’t hide the disappointment in her eyes when she saw Tonia standing in her doorway instead of the person she’d hoped to see...but there she was, the pretty young blonde with that saccharine smile plastered over her face, and all Carol wanted to do was wipe it off. 

“Carol,” she beamed annoyingly. “What are you doing up?”

“I...I was going to use the bathroom,” Carol lied, using her own sugary persona that had fooled so many others in the past. “I was going to wait for Daryl, but…”

“Daryl left,” Tonia told her, keeping the cheery smile on her face. “Didn’t he tell you?”

Carol’s breath caught in her throat and she suddenly felt so incredibly numb. Despite all of his promises, and all of those beautiful words, it seemed that he’d decided that she wasn’t worth his time after all. Everything replayed inside her head, over and over until she couldn’t seem to breathe...he’d given her as much of himself as he possibly could, but it was her who could never be good enough. Tonia was speaking but she couldn’t hear her over the thudding of her heartbeat in her ears. She had to get away from here and find some solitude, just like she had so many months ago. 

“Carol…” 

Tonia’s worried voice brought her out of her reverie and she startled a little when she turned her head to see the young blonde uncomfortably close. Shifting backwards, Carol leant away, eyeing her suspiciously.

“Can I help you to the bathroom?” Tonia asked softly as she reached out to skim her fingertips over Carol’s shoulder. “Let me…”

Carol’s eyes dropped to her arm, watching in slow motion when Tonia’s fingers slid over her bare skin. Shaking her head, she yanked her arm away, suddenly feeling uneasy with the other woman’s close proximity. Carol wished she knew where her knife was; she felt naked without it. She should have asked Daryl when he was here...she should have told him she understood that he couldn’t ever be tied down. She should have told him a lot of things before the panic set in on him, and now it was probably too late.

“I’m fine,” Carol told her, trying desperately to keep her voice calm. “I need to start doing this on my own.”

“And soon you can, but until then,” Tonia beamed. “You have me.”

Shaking her head, Carol gritted her teeth and clamped down on the words that screamed out inside her head... _I don’t want you… I don’t want you_...over and over until she was fighting back the tears again.

“I’ll do just fine on my own.”

Tonia sighed as she came to sit on the bed, perched against Carol’s blanket covered thigh. Despite the bruising, the older woman was stunningly beautiful, and against her better judgement, Tonia couldn’t stop herself from trying to reach her. Her heart sped faster, thumping wildly in her ears as every single rational thought scattered. Shuffling just a little closer, she watched Carol carefully, her eyes following every curve of her body with soft appreciation.

“You know, you have beautiful eyes?”

Carol’s breath caught in her throat and she swallowed heavily against the bile rising in her throat. She felt trapped, hemmed in by a woman who seemed to have forgotten every single boundary. Shifting a little further in the bed, Carol pulled herself upright to rest back against the pillows to put some distance between them. 

“What about Tara?” 

Tonia’s eyes widened with surprise when she heard Carol mention her girlfriend’s name. The dark haired woman sprang to her mind and for a moment, she smiled with the memory of how much fun they had together...but just having fun, for her, was lacking something...she wanted intense...she wanted sparks and passion...

“What about her?” Tonia sighed. “We’re nothing serious, but she’s nice...she’s...safe...”

“She’s so much more than that,” Carol told her haughtily. “If you don’t believe that too, then you should let her find someone else who does.”

Tonia’s mouth dropped open but she quickly regained her composure and eyed Carol with a new respect. This woman had everything that Tonia wanted in a partner, and for her to defend Tara like she did. “Carol…”

“Did Daryl tell you where he was going?” Carol asked, wishing that she could be anywhere but here right now. She wished that she could rewind the last few hours, then she wouldn’t have driven Daryl away with her constant griping about being stuck in this room…and now she was just that; trapped in a prison of her own making.

“Oh,” Tonia shook her head and sat up a little straighter. “I’m sorry, he didn’t tell me anything exactly. I heard it from Anthony; one of the kings guards. He told me he saw him leave a couple of hours ago...I’m sure he’s coming back though.”

Nodding numbly, Carol’s gaze dropped down to her hands in her lap, missing the feel of Daryl’s fingers wrapped around hers. If he was really gone, then she should leave too...just like she’d planned to do all along. She could survive on her own again, and it’s not like he’d kissed her or told her he loved her...if he had…

Warm fingers closed around hers and she gasped in a breath when she saw Tonia leaning towards her. Shaking her head, Carol jolted her hand away, but Tonia wouldn’t let go.

“Tara’s safe,” she all but whispered., “but I don’t _want_ safe…”

“Tonia...I don’t…”

“ _I_ wouldn’t leave you, Carol…” she opened her fingers, spreading the digits wide. “I…”

“ _Tonia_ ,” Carol warned, when the younger woman leaned a little closer towards her. Shaking her head, Carol pulled her arm away again, this time shoving the blonde backwards before she could reach for her again. “I think _you_ should _leave_.”

“Oh _god_...I’m _so_ sorry,” Tonia leapt off the bed as if she’d been burned and avoided Carol’s eyes. “I thought you…”

“You thought _what?_ ” Carol hissed out. “You thought I would turn to someone so quickly because Daryl isn’t here?”

“ _No_...I’m _so_ sorry...please Carol, I…”

“What the _hell’s_ goin’ on?” a voice boomed from the doorway, as the angry looking redneck made his way back into the room to stand beside Carol’s bed once more. He glared at Tonia when he saw Carol’s tear filled eyes and instantly reached for her hand. “Get the _fuck_ away from her.”

“I’m sorry...I…”

Ignoring her, Daryl lowered his eyes to the woman whose hand had slipped from his. She was sitting up, staring down at her clenched fingers in her lap, unmoving and so silent…fear crept through him as he reached out to her, his hand coming to rest over her shoulder.

“Carol,” he tried, her name rumbling through his lips like gravelled rain.

“I need my knife,” she spoke in a whispered tone, her eyes lifting to settle on the blonde woman who was standing beside the bed, terrified to move. “Where’s _my_ knife?”

“I’ve got it,” Daryl told her, his fingers tightening over her shoulder. “I kept it when we brought ya here...it’s safe…”

Carol’s eyes darkened as she focussed on Tonia, piercing her with a steeled gaze, “Come near me again and _I’ll_ kill you.”

“I...I’m sorry...I…”

“Ya better get outta here,” Daryl warned as he maneuvered his body around to block Carol’s view from the younger woman. Sitting on the bed, he skimmed his fingertips from her shoulder, sliding over her arm until he reached her balled fists. Wrapping his hand around hers, he turned it over so she was palm side up and slowly uncurled her fingers. 

“Thought you’d left,” Carol murmured coolly, even though he could hear the slight tremor in her voice. “Don’t feel you have to stay. I’m fine on my own.”

“What?” Shifting closer, Daryl lowered his head, trying desperately to see her downturned eyes. “Didn’t the doc tell ya?”

“No one told me anything,” she muttered, shaking her head before she chuckled mirthlessly. “Well, except Tonia.”

Daryl lifted his eyes to the ceiling and drew in a sharp breath. He’d asked the doctor to tell her where he was, _shit_...this was so fucked up…

“Shit…’m sorry,” he sighed when he lowered his eyes back onto her again. Squeezing her fingers he tried to see her face, but she wouldn’t lift her head. “Doc said I could take ya home tomorrow now yer wound is healin’...I went to the house to make sure it was all still good...I just wanted to get ya away from here... _fuck_...he said he was gonna tell ya.” 

Carol swallowed hard and closed her eyes. He was here, warming her with his touch and she tried so badly to let herself feel him.

“I...thank you…” she nodded, wanting to tell him that she would be okay on her own from now on, but her treacherous heart wouldn’t let her say the words. 

“Carol…”

Tears stung her eyes and she sank her teeth into her bottom lip to stop them from falling, but they slipped silently over her cheeks anyway. 

“You don’t have to stay anymore,” she nodded, convincing herself that he really didn’t want to be here. “Honestly, it’s okay. I’ll understand. Just because I’m stuck in here, doesn’t mean you have to be... _just_...leave me my knife...I…”

_“Stop!”_ he hissed, that one word slipping through his lips with more force than he’d intended. His throat constricted as the ball of emotion welled in his throat. Everything had been fine, they’d been happy and he went and fucked it all up by leaving her. Spurred on by pure instinct, he moved in closer. Keeping his hand wrapped around hers, he reached up to her chin with his free hand, tilting her face upwards with his fingers, so that he could see into her eyes. 

Fresh tears pooled in her deep blue depths, and her lip trembled under the weight of the sorrow closing around her. She tried to speak his name, but she knew she couldn’t trust her voice to not break if she did, so instead, the pooling tears welled, tumbling over her cheeks as she soaked in his closeness.

“I ain’t leavin again,” he told her softly, his own tears betraying him as he moved achingly closer. “I don’t wanna be without ya...never did…”

“Daryl…I…”

His mouth landed on hers, trembling and hesitant. His whole body was on high alert the second their lips touched. Shockwaves scorched his body, spurring him onwards to move a little closer. Her scent filled his senses, sparking long hidden memories of another time, when the two of them were only just beginning to seek each other out. The strength of those feelings dissolved his fears, and he became just a little bolder. Her soft whimper sent soft shivers all over his body and he found his hands moving on their own accord. He leant in closer, feeling the warmth of her body seeping into his, and he was lost.

Carol shivered against him, her mind swimming in so many different sensations. His lips against hers were causing havoc with her heart and she desperately needed more, but she was so afraid to push him. When he suddenly pulled his mouth from hers, she opened her eyes to gaze up at him, drowning in the love she could never deny. He was breathing heavily, a total look of wonder over his face and she couldn’t help but smile shyly at the way he was watching her.

Wordlessly he moved in closer, his lips capturing hers before she could speak. This time he was more attentive, sliding his tongue across her closed lips, begging for entry. Carol opened her mouth beneath his, meeting his hesitant tongue with her own. She felt him shiver against her, she too find it increasingly difficult to stop her body reacting to him. Somewhere between hesitant and cautious, passions took over and they fell into a deep, demanding kiss that once ended, lead to another, and another, until he tore his mouth from hers and groaned against her throat as he tried to catch his breath. Carol laughed joyously, unable to stop the tears from tumbling over her cheeks as she finally understood how a kiss could make everything tingle from her head, right through to her toes. This was love...this was being in love…and this was how it should have been with Ed, but it never was...

“Carol…” his voice feathered her throat as his lips grazed her soft skin. He worshipped her with soft, heated kisses, one after another until he kissed his way back up her throat and chin, to finally land on her lips once more. 

She opened her mouth to him, nudging his tongue with her own as they kissed once more. Passion...adoration...desperation...love...every single emotion poured out of them and into each other, neither willing or able to release the other. 

Carol slowly began to move, easing herself backwards and taking him with her. He followed blindly, moving himself closer until he was half over her body with his feet still touching the floor. Her hands began to move, sliding over his arms and shoulders, skimming over his neck until she threaded her fingers possessively into his hair. She kissed him with wild abandon, pulling him even closer...but when he slipped his hand under her shirt with searching fingers, her gasp brought him to a standstill. He withdrew his hand and he pulled away to look down at her flushed face, worry evident in his eyes.

“Did I hurt ya?” he asked, lifting himself a little higher, searching her face for any kind of discomfort. “Carol?”

Carol was breathing heavily as she watched him. She could already feel her core sparking to life and she couldn’t ever remember feeling so alive by kissing. The needle in her hand pinched when she forgot she was still attached to an IV, so she lowered it slowly, careful not to knock it again. She smiled up at him dreamily, loving how his lips were swollen and how his face was flushed with a rosy tint. Lifting her free hand, she skimmed her fingertips across his lips and traced every single line.

“You didn’t hurt me,” she whispered softly, wanting nothing more than to kiss him again. “I just wasn’t expecting to feel so…”

Daryl chuckled softly and lowered his eyes, embarrassment spreading over his face. He’d never kissed anyone like that before, not with so much need that he could feel it in every inch of his body. Dipping his head, he buried his face into her chest and inhaled her scent before he pressed his lips against the base of her throat. He lingered there for a few precious seconds, then lifted his head to grin down at her.

“Sorry,” he whispered sultrily. “I…”

“Don’t be sorry,” she told him softly as she cradled his face in her hand. “I want you...I just don’t think I’m ready for anything else yet...at least not until I’m free of this…”

She lifted her IV’d hand and smiled up at him affectionately, aching to kiss him again but she could see his protectiveness setting in once more. He looked at her with so much love in his eyes that she admonished herself for ever letting Ed fill her with so many doubts. Her dead husband had no place here anymore, and Daryl had proved so many times that those vile insults that were still buried inside her so deeply, were nothing but vicious lies.

“I’m sorry I left,” he told her, his gravelled whisper rumbling in his throat. “I should’a told ya I was goin’ to the house, but the doc said he’d tell ya so I could get things ready. If I’da known he wasn’t gonna…”

“It’s okay,” she reassured him, reaching up to graze his lips with her own. She lingered over him for a few heavenly seconds before she pulled back again to look up at him. “You’re here now...that’s all that matters.”

“Ain’t gonna leave ya…”

“It’s my fault you thought you had to,” she whispered, placing a finger over his lips to stop his soft protests. “I shouldn’t have take my frustrations out on you.”

“I shouldn’ta just left.”

“Just promise me next time, you’ll take me with you,” she told him with a smile. “I don’t think I can handle Tonia a second time.”

At hearing the other woman’s name, Daryl’s eyes darkened and the passion that had been swirling around in his eyes was suddenly replaced by anger. Before Carol could grasp hold of him and pull him back to her, he was already sitting up on the edge of the bed, tense and twitching.

“What did she do to ya?” he asked, his jaw clenching as he spoke. “Did she hurt ya?”

“No,” Carol told him on a sigh, grasping hold of his hand to pull it back onto her lap. “She’s just...she made a mistake.”

“What…”

“I think she was going to try and to kiss me,” she blurted, squeezing his fingers before he could pull away. “She thought I was something I’m not...special, I guess...I don’t know...”

“Ya are,” he ground out, huffing out the words. “But, yer _my_ somethin’ special...what the hell was she thinkin’ chasin’ you when she’s got Tara back home?”

“I don’t know,” Carol sighed as she threaded their fingers together. “But, can we not talk about her...please…”

“Sorry,” he sighed, reaching for her again to thread their fingers together. His eyes dropped down to their interlocked hands and he ran his thumb across her knuckles, basking in the feel of her skin.

“So, are you sure you want to live with me after today?” Carol asked with a coy smile, lifting her eyes to his as she spoke. 

“Pfft...should be me askin’ you that!”

Carol lowered her eyes back down to their joined hands and tried to drown out the insecurities that still crept around her, even now. She hadn’t lived with anyone in a very long time, and she hadn’t shared a bed with anyone for a lot longer than that...her heart pounded inside her chest when she tried to reel her emotions back in. She was jumping way ahead of herself…

“Hey,” he whispered when she silently stared down at their hands. “I ain’t lived with anyone since Merle...don’t know if I’ll be any good at it, but…”

“We’ll learn from each other,” she told him on a whisper as she lifted her head and looked up into his eyes. “But...if it gets too much…”

“It won’t.”

“But if it does,” she murmured, squeezing his fingers. “Promise me you won’t do what I did...I know I hurt you when I left...but I just...I couldn’t do it anymore…”

“We’re startin’ over,” he told her softly, his reassuring words breaking through hers. “You an’ me. And we’re gonna be just fine…”

He spoke with such conviction that Carol actually believed him. Squeezing his fingers, she brought his hand up to her face and nestled her cheek against his palm. He was here, that’s all that mattered now. They were going to be okay.

End


End file.
